10 Beautiful Tweets That Will Make You Book a Trip to Hydra, Greece Right Now. Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally | www.goombaytally.com | Hydra, Greece | Please contact us at [email protected] for feedback, writer and advertisement requests. For those that are unfamiliar with the Greek Islands — “Hydra” is one of the […]
11 Scary Twitter Comments About That Laundromat You Currently Use.
Written by Kathy McGinnis | Staff Writer for Goombay Tally | www.goombaytally.com | Public Health Article | Contact us below or at [email protected] for comments or writer requests
Just about all of us have used them or currently use them now: those musty-smelling, but convenient, coin-operated laundromats located in just about every town or city in the country. We all need clean clothes right? But not all of us own or have immediate access to reliable washing machines and dryers unfortunately.
College students use ’em in their dorms (when they’re not dropping off three months worth of dirty clothes at Mom’s house), apartment residents use the designated laundry facilities provided by the apartment manager, and the rest of us just basically find the nearest laundromat that doesn’t look like a heinous crime has just been committed there.
But have you ever thought about the potential health risks of using public laundromats? Of course you haven’t. Let’s be honest, most of us are concerned with three primary things in a laundromat: washing machine and dryer availability, running out of Tide detergent, and not having enough quarters to dry your clothes thoroughly. Oh, and maybe some strange, creepy guy snatching your sexy underwear out of the dryer, holding them to his nose, and running away.
@KatyaKSNT found in laundrymat by daughter in law and her boss pic.twitter.com/URsaOOgotq
— bruce culbertson (@bruce33152) March 3, 2016
So how do you really know that your local laundromat is sanitary? Experts suggest that you should first look for a dedicated attendant during the hours of operation. Laundromats with attendants won’t guarantee that the facility will be squeaky clean obviously, but it may help reduce the level of “heebie-jeebies” that you might unknowingly bring home in your clothes hamper. Generally, a paid attendant will be in charge of cleaning the washers, dryers, folding tables, and keeping the floors swept, mopped, and clean.
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Additionally, laundromat attendants will typically ensure that washers and dryers are thoroughly cleaned to make sure there is no residual detergent remaining, remove any ink stains that may have been caused by a pen left in the little pocket of a third-grader, and cleaning out the dreaded link trays that tend to manufacture gray, miniature-sized, Christmas ugly sweaters after several uses.
Additionally, good laundromats will ensure that a strong disinfectant is used on those drab-looking folding tables every day. This simple action will help minimize the number of bacteria and germs left by other laundromat patrons throughout the day.
But no … seriously … how many times have you used a laundromat and thought to yourself, “so … how sanitary are these places anyway … and what am I really bringing home to my family on these “clean” clothes?
Well, let’s ask the expert:
University of Arizona professor of microbiology, Charles Gerba, has actually conducted extensive research on the dirty, nasty germs that hide … yes, and thrive in washing machines and dryers. According to professor Gerba, “If you wash a load of just underwear, there will be about 100 million E. coli in the wash water, and they can be transmitted to the next load of laundry.”
Feel free to take a break from reading this article and head to the bathroom to puke if needed.
“If you wash a load of just underwear, there will be about 100 million E. coli in the wash water, and they can be transmitted to the next load of laundry.”
So in layman’s terms … “There’s about a tenth of a gram of “poop” in the average pair of underwear,” professor Gerba stated. Furthermore, fecal material can carry a number of germs that include the hepatitis A virus, norovirus (the nasty virus that causes your stomach or intestines or both to get inflamed … leading to stomach pain, nausea, and diarrhea and throwing up) rotavirus, salmonella and (no surprise) E. coli.
Not only are standard laundromats hard to endure because of their lack of cleanliness, but they’re getting more expensive to use as well. Some patrons report spending as much as $30-$40 a pop just to wash their laundry in these facilities. Just ask this desperate Twitter user.
I didn't know laundromats were so damn expensive. I had to sell a kidney just to wash my clothes. Probs will have to sell the other to dry
— Señorita Suh (@contra_1994) September 3, 2017
I’ve noticed that it’s not just smart university professors and annoying “Mom’s basement” bloggers that are talking about possible health hazards that lurk inside coin-operated laundromats. Twitter is full of people who have both a love/hate relationship with laundromats — and they certainly aren’t afraid to voice their opinions about these magical and enchanted places.
11 Scary Twitter Comments About That Laundromat You Currently Use.
1. At The End of The Day — It’s All About Those Dirty…Dirty Thongs.
2. Avoid the Crazy Ladies Armed with a Bad Attitude, Dirty House Slippers, and a Snotty Nose!
3. Need Dirty, Wet Clothes? That’ll Be $8 Please Miss.
Laundromats are fun because you spend $8 on one load of laundry and you end up with dirty wet clothes ☺️☺️☺️
— rachel rigby (@Rachlyn77) June 14, 2016
4. Yes, Some Laundromats Are So Bad, People Would Rather Wear “Crusty,” Funky Clothes Around Town Instead of Spending an Hour Sitting in One.
5. Some Commercial Service Locations Will Never Work As Cute or Adorable Photo Shoot Locations. Add “Laundromats” to That List Please.
This is not a cute engagement shoot because laundromats are dirty! pic.twitter.com/P5VfBxZov3
— Carlee Barackman (@carleebb) October 4, 2015
6. Dirty Laundromats Apparently Can Leave You Disgusted, Disenchanted, and With a Dismal View of Life.
Laundromats are a modern miracle. You go in with dirty clothes and you come out with no hope for humanity.
— Chase Padgett (@ChasePadgett) January 29, 2015
7. Laundromats, Life, and Love (well, sort of).
I don’t get hit on in cute places like concerts or school. I get hit on in downtown laundromats and dirty gas stations at 1 in the morning.
— Sam (@SammySmallEars) September 9, 2013
8. Hey, Score One For The City of Brotherly Love. Congratulations, You’re Better Than Denmark!
9. War and Laundromats: Both Are Hellish Experiences.
Rude, obnoxious people. 2nd hand smoke. Terrible satellite radio. The smells of other's dirty clothes. Laundromats are a new level of hell.
— Tom May (@moodrider) September 4, 2009
10. If You Use Laundromats Long Term, You “Will” Have Your Stuff Jacked … Regardless of Its Value.
Ugh. Why do laundromats have to lose/steal stuff? Was the mesh bag worth anything? No. But now where do I put my dirty clothes?
— Jon Brandt (@jgbrandt) September 22, 2009
11. Tip: Sometimes It’s Not Worth Washing “One” Blanket in a Filthy Laundromat — Wal-Mart Sells Fleece Blankets For $9.00 – Just Ceremoniously Burn It and Move On.
UGH just my Luck to end up in one of the most Hood, Ghetto, and Dirty Laundromats in the dang city of Atlanta!!! JUST FOR A BLANKET! #grrr
— Diesel Milan (@dieseldashit) April 7, 2011
Written by Kathy McGinnis | Goombay Tally | Contact us below or at [email protected] for comments or writer requests
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7 Major Characters That You’ll See At Any Fitness Club or Gym
Written by Kathy McGinnis | www.goombaytally.com | Goombay Tally Writers | Gym Characters | Share us on Facebook / Twitter
I suppose it’s safe to say that the majority of us have worked out at some point in our lives; or at a minimum … have seen the inside of the gym. Whether it was in junior high and high school, or later in our adult lives in college, or at Gold’s Gym, Planet Fitness, Life Time Fitness ... we’ve been there and done that in some way or capacity.
Anyway, I’ve always loved the gym environment. Almost everything about it.
For example, I remember my first day of “gymnastics class” in elementary school. The beautiful open space. The clean squeak of your brand new gym shoes under the basketball surface. The smell of pee-wee perspiration and the tingly feeling of competition in the air.
You can almost reach out and touch all of those nuances instantaneously. But I do have to be honest with you: I love people-watching at the gym almost equally.
Don’t get me wrong, I put the “work in” during my gym time, but I also enjoy observing others and their unique ways of engaging with the equipment, their workouts, and more importantly … with others.
I suspect a trained physiologist could write and publish an intriguing dissertation just on these dynamics alone.
Self-admittedly, I am by no means the expert on the mind-set, characteristics, and ingrained psychology of the standard gym patron, but the following list will outline what I believe to be the basic six gym characters that you will see on any given day at your chosen gym or health club.
Even if you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since your senior prom in high school, you’ve undoubtedly seen these same characters on social media, on the big screen, in commercials … you name it.
Hey! Do remember the popular Planet Fitness commercial featuring the, “I lift things up and put them down” guy? Hilarious. No genius really.
Planet Fitness nailed that persona.
I lift things up and put them down.
As you are already aware, Planet Fitness sort of prides themselves on shaming the over-the-top gym rats who risk “threatening or intimidating” their patrons through testosterone-induced bravado or clothing.
So. Here she is.
1. The Iconic Muscle Head
- The dictionary defines a muscle head as, “(slang) A large and muscular man, especially one interested in bodybuilding.” Other definitions describe muscle-heads as “those who naturally use their threatening brute force and bullying to get whatever they want.” Also see, Gym Rat.
- Either way, you know who these people are because you can normally see them coming a mile away: massive arms, wearing the stretched tank top, or T-Shirt that looks like they borrowed it from their five-year-old nephew.
- The muscle head will also be carrying the iconic protein shake bottle or jug everywhere they go. They will shake this bottle every two to three minutes– taking furtive sips in between reps.
- Also, if you don’t “see” a Muscle Head in your gym immediately when you walk in, just wait and listen. Why? Because in no time you will hear a Muscle Head on the weight benches or near the 200 lbs dumb bells, screaming like their being mercilessly tortured during the Spanish Inquisition.
- Because of his colossal size and equally threatening demeanor, the Muscle Head will claim dibs on no less than five pieces of workout equipment at one time. We refer to this as the “buster cluster.” This is the cluster of workout equipment surrounding the Muscle Head that he has proprietary ownership of. For example, you will see a curl machine that is clearly unoccupied, and once you walk over to use it, you will hear a gruffly voice from clear across the gym yell, “YO, I’M STILL USING THAT!”
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2. The “Look at Me” Gym Queen
- Definition: The Gym Queen is the certifiably attractive female who attends your gym wearing top-of-the line workout fashions and looks like she just stepped out of the front cover of Women’s Health Magazine. Gym Queen’s primary objective is to DRAW ATTENTION. Physical fitness is merely a supportive function of this objective.
- NOTE: You will never see Gym Queen sweat because she isn’t really THERE to sweat — she’s there to look good and solicit your undivided attention. Sweating will only mitigate that.
- Gym Queen will often be seen at the gym with Muscle Head. In this instance, she will only be there as Muscle Head’s side ornament and as he grunts and strains on the weight bench or dumb bells. They go together like complementing artwork.
3. The Enigma
- The Enigma is the gym patron who performs an odd regiment of exercises every time you see them. For example, Enigma will grab a set of 25 lb weights, wave them up and down like a wounded Red Robin, while side-lunging erratically for three sets of ten reps. Watching the Enigma workout will even cause the most conservative of Christians to involuntarily spout out “WTF!” … or at least “WTH!”
- You’ll know that you are encountering an Enigma when you find yourself staring at their workout routine out of both amazement and horror. Mostly honor. You will wonder if the workout routine is even legal in your state. The answer is: yes, but probably shouldn’t.
- Mind you, you will not see Enigma at the gym on a consistent basis due to the obvious injurious nature of their workouts which will invariably send them to a local Emergency Room.
- For the record, Enigmas were the kids in high school who you never saw in your gym class because they were able to clandestinely substitute the physical fitness requirement with other qualifiers like Drama and JROTC. Well … it’s 20 years later and now these guys are ready to get in shape. Enjoy.
4. The Gym Equipment Hog
- When entering the gym, “The Hog” will strategically select one piece of workout equipment (typically the same one they used during their last visit) and essentially “hog” or remain on the equipment for 30, 40 minutes…heck, sometimes an hour.
- The equipment hog may also “claim” to be using multiple pieces of workout equipment at one time as if they actually own the facility. Remember that the gym equipment hog feels that their workout and general fitness is infinitely more important than yours and that you are there just for sport.
- The hog will eek out incredibly slow and methodical reps on the leg press machine and rest for 15 minutes in between sets. Then repeat the process for the next hour or so.
- The most unique and equally disturbing aspect of The Parker is that regardless of the collective time that they spend in the gym … they won’t look like they are improving at all.
5. The Poser
- The poser is known for “dressing the part” of a serious health and fitness aficionado but if you look very closely, he or she will typically only complete one–maybe two sets on their exercise equipment, but then begin hitting on attractive female for the remainder of their gym time.
- Yes, the ladies can be posers too and actually use their health club membership as their social club enabler.
- By the way fellas, you have the poser to thank for driving out the serious ladies in the gym who are purely there for their health and fitness and consequently, causing female-only gyms to grow exponentially.
6. The Tiger
- The Tiger is the quintessential bad-ass who arrives to the gym at 0430 every day (that’s four-thirty A.M. for civilians) and is ready to take on the world with his or her towel, water bottle, and workout notepad.
- The Tiger is a lean and mean athlete who is more focused and determined than a hungry (Tiger) …get it?
- The Tiger ignores the Gym Queen, despises The Poser, and gets horribly nauseated around The Enigma. He or she respects the Muscle Head but is by no means intimidated by his ego or ostentatious antics.
- Oh yeah, The Parker just pisses The Tiger off as they wait endlessly to use the workout equipment. The Tiger will eventually snap and pummel The Parker mercilessly.
7. The Social Butterfly
The social butterfly is obviously at the gym for one reason: to meet members of the opposite sex. For example, the social butterfly will also float and hover around an attractive female who is trying to finish her workout for 30 minutes to an hour without actually accomplishing anything themselves. After engaging with their target for the day, social butterflies will tend to wrap up their “workout” by doing one pathetic rep on their equipment of choice and hit the showers … later telling their friends and co-workers that they ran 5 miles and benches 350 lbs, 3 sets, 10 repetitions.
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5 Evil Tactics To Totally Screw With Your Nosy Neighbors.
Written by Goombay Tally Staff | Goombay Tally | www.goombaytally.com | Nosy Neighbors Humor | Contact us at [email protected] for comments, writing or advertising requests.
It’s probably safe to say that we’ve all had at least one irritating, nosy neighbor in the past if not currently. You know? That proverbial busy body hag or creepy guy across the street who always has the corner of their curtain or blinds cautiously and covertly peeled back just enough to see what you and your family are up to today. You can see their ominous shadow hiding behind the window, standing ever-ready to contact the HOA, local police department, or FBI at the slightest sign of illegal or nefarious activity.
Grant it, these people are absolutely worth their weight in gold when soliciting volunteers for your local Neighborhood Watch program, but these are also the same petty neighbors who make it a point to count the number of HOA-allowable days that you’ve expended when you park your camper or trailer in your driveway, or forget to cut your yard over the weekend … and so on.
Moreover, just as you peer out of your window to see who’s scoping you out — you see the quick curtain “pull back” action as they realize that they’ve been discovered. Annoying right? They’re intrusive and distrustful McCarthian-style trolls who have entirely too much time on their hands and (seemingly) use the weight of that time watching you. They are convinced that you and your family are either drug dealers, communists, ISIS sympathisers, mafioso, or all of the above.
Social psychologists suggest that the best way to deal with snooping neighbors is to be painfully direct and address the problem with them face-to-face. This involves letting your neighbors know that you are keenly aware of their activity and how it makes you and your family feel violated and uncomfortable. Although we tend to agree with this sage advice from a practical (O.K., let’s admit it…mature) perspective … we simply don’t see the entertainment value in that method and would like to suggest a few clever and creative ways to mitigate the nosy neighbor problem and have a little fun at the same time.
Courtesy of Howcast.com via YouTube
1. The T.A.P.S. Prank
I think most Americans are generally familiar with the hugely popular paranormal show T.A.P.S. (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) and could easily recognize their signature convoy of black SUVs speeding down the interstate towards their next paranormal investigation. Also adored with big white lettering that spells out their group name…you know that if you see three T.A.P.S. vehicles parked outside of your local historical hotel (for example), invariably there’s a lot more going on at that location than the continental breakfast and superb room service.
So why not use this existing stigma to freak out your snooping neighbors, while continuing to feed the rumor mill that you know they’re already perpetuating.
To pull off this prank, you will need a few of your trusted friends who happen to own black Suburban SUVs to fashion temporary “T.A.P.S.” signage on the side of the vehicles. Next, have your friends park in front of your house and pile out carrying boxes of cable cords, cameras, and tripods to add to the investigative effect of your “ghost hunters.” Of course, your neighbors won’t know that your friends are just coming over to watch a Golden State Warriors playoffs game — which will end sometime after midnight (EST) anyway. Your entertainment for the night will be watching sick Steph Curry crossovers and of course, watching your worried neighbors pace back and forward in front of their windows as your fake TAPS team “communicates with the spirits inside your home.” This prank will ensure that your nosy neighbors will never actually step foot onto your property in the future. Yep, the summer barbeque invite will be out of the question for sure.
Side Note: If All Else Fails, Shaming is Always an Old, But Oh So Powerful Tool.
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2. The Crime Scene Prank
Rest assure, no neighbor wants to wake up at 6 o’clock A.M. to peer out of their window at their neighbor’s house and see the yard and driveway draped with bright yellow Police crime scene tape. Let’s face it, making your house look like the opening scene from the television show Law and Order will spark more questions than an Alex Trebek Jeopardy marathon. If your neighbors open their windows to see “Ice-T” asking the neighborhood questions, it’s gonna be a long day right?
For this prank, just borrow some Police crime scene tape from your good-natured law enforcement buddy and steal your kid’s white chalk to draw the body outlines on your driveway for the final touches. Of course using tons of ketchup all over the driveway and front lawn will send your neighbor into pure hysterics.
3. Be The Overly Needy Neighbor
Most nosy neighbors don’t actually want to hold a meaningful or lengthy conversation with you or your family members any time soon … they simply enjoy the act of observing your daily activities from the shadows and safety of their homes. That said, another anti-nosy neighbor tactic that will slowly break them of their bad habit may be to (deliberately) stop over and ask them for something or just ask a question about their lives every time you catch them peeking at you from the window or watching you and your college buddies enjoying a barbeque in the backyard. For example, asking them for mundane items like milk, sugar, salt, butter or even extra lawn chairs every time you catch them snooping will quickly become too risky of a proposition for those who would rather just secretly watch your wife sunbathing on the porch from their kitchen window instead of actually talking to you.
4. The Creepy Mannequin
If you can’t beat ’em … join ’em right? Well, kind of. What better way to counter a nosy neighbor who’s always peeking out of their window then to employ the services of a used department store mannequin that you dress up and position in your living room window. Essentially, you set up your creepy mannequin to peek out of your window — basically mirroring the daily activity of your neighbor. If done correctly, your neighbor will spend the entire day (and possibly night) playing peek-a-boo with your JC Penny mannequin who will inevitably win this insane staring contest.
5. The Traveling “For Sale” Sign
This prank will require willing participation and collaboration from at least three of your neighbors in order to pull off successfully. Because nosy neighbors naturally love to gossip and spread rumors–nothing starts off a good ol’ gossip avalanche than a brand new “For Sale” sign in your yard. Why are they moving? New job in another state? Did they lose their job? Marriage problems? Divorce? Here, the traveling “For Sale” sign prank involves you acquiring a fake Real Estate “For Sale” sign and rotating it amongst your other neighborhood co-conspirators so that it shows up at a different home on your side of the street every two days or so. This prank will eventually drive your nosy neighbors certifiably insane and certainly cause further unsolicited prying and inquiry. But at this point…it will be well worth the investment and time. Who knows? After months of mental jousting with your nosy neighbor, the next (legitimate) “For Sale” sign you see in the future may be theirs. Mission accomplished.
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10 Razones por las que nunca debes salir con una Chica Caballo.
Escrito por Scott Mcginnis | Goombay Tally | Chica Caballo
Si tú eres el tipo de hombre que siente afinidad por todo aquello relacionado con el mundo ecuestre, por favor para de leer esto ahora y muévete a un blog o website más apropiado, como “HorseAdvise.com“, “Spin to Win: Rodeo Magazine” o lo que sea que ustedes lean para mantenerse inspirados. Este post no está hecho para ti. En el no encontraras valor sustantivo ni preventivo que pueda servirte de algo. En realidad este post es una advertencia para todos los hombres solteros que están todavía jugando en el campo de las citas y aún tienen la oportunidad de evitar correr y potencialmente caer, ante un miembro de la relativamente pequeña comunidad de mujeres que yo cariñosamente llamo “Chicas Caballo”
Las Chicas Caballo son mujeres que comen, duermen, sueñan y hablan sobre caballos 24 horas al día, 7 días a la semana. Estas son damas “adorables” que priorizan diligentemente sus vidas en torno al cuidado, bienestar, desempeño y salud general de sus caballos y del equipo que estos requieren.
No debes preocuparte, estas mujeres son muy fáciles de detectar. Ellas regularmente usan una gorra de béisbol con el logo de su granero o de su entrenador bordado en la parte delantera y su cabello lo llevan prolijamente recogido en una cola de caballo que sale de la parte posterior de la gorra. En el invierno, ellas llevarán una chaqueta de montar, probablemente con un bordado o remiendo de Dover Saddlery en alguna parte, haciendo juego con elegantes pantalones de montar y botas de montar a caballo negras; o el traje alternativo, jeans gastados y botas de vaquero. Créanme, los ajustados pantalones de montar serán los responsables de que resbalen y caigan ante sus encantos si no son cuidadosos. Advertencia: ¡Las Chicas Caballo son increíblemente atractivas! Mi consejo: se fuerte cuando las veas y “por amor a Dios”, no mires hacia abajo.
Según el Consejo Americano del Caballo, si vives en el estado de Florida, la industria del caballo tiene un impacto de alrededor de $ 5.1 mil millones en la economía del estado, tomando en cuenta el efecto multiplicador del gasto que involucra a los proveedores y empleados de la industria. Además, la industria del caballo proporciona casi 38.300 puestos de trabajo a tiempo completo en el estado. Si esto te parece poco, hay cerca de 440,000 floridanos involucrados en la industria del caballo como propietarios, proveedores de servicios, empleados o voluntarios. Todo esto significa que la probabilidad de que te encuentres con una Chica Caballo en Target o en Wal-Mart de Florida es exponencialmente más alta que la de tu hermano en Nueva York, donde sólo hay 152,000 residentes directamente involucrados en la industria equestre.
Ahora que hemos establecido el hecho de que hay una amenaza viable de Chicas Caballo en este país. Vamos a explicar por qué debes evitar salir con estas mujeres a toda costa:
Comencemos por echar un vistazo a los “costos” asociados con la propiedad y el cuidado de un caballo. Para un hermano despistado, oír a una linda Chica Caballo alardear de “poseer” un caballo [solamente] le parecerá un asunto bastante simple con casi ninguna implicación financiera a largo plazo. Igual que comprar un cachorro de pastor alemán: compras una bolsa de “Puppy Chow“, llenas el recipiente de agua como es costumbre, caminas con él dos vece al día, visitas el veterinario una o dos veces al año, y gastas tal vez menos de $ 1.200. Arroja inmediatamente esta idea por la ventana cuando se trate del cuidado de un caballo. Aquí te dejo la información clasificada de lo que implica el cuidado ecuestre por día:
Primero, esta Chica Caballo con la que estas coqueteando probablemente pagó varios miles de dólares por su caballo, y ese precio varía dependiendo de la cría, de la salud, de la edad, del tamaño, y de la habilidad del performance de su chico. Pero no se detiene ahí amigo mío, el costo inicial por la compra de un caballo es sólo el principio. Comencemos con el establo. Si tu Chica Caballo no posee su propio granero, ella probablemente lo albergará en uno de los miles de graneros que encontramos a través del país. Los costos de estadía del caballo podrían correr desde $ 10,000 a $ 50,000 (o más) al año dependiendo de si ella está “haciendo el trabajo sucio” (básicamente limpiar la mierda del caballo) en su propio puesto o si le paga a algún pobre alma en pena para que haga el trabajo por ella. Pronto te darás cuenta de que los costos por las instalaciones de alojamiento son “de poca monta” comparados a los servicios fuera de ellas. Por ejemplo, ella pagará honorarios adicionales por cubrir el caballo por la noche cuando tenga frío, alimentarlo, administrarle sus vitaminas y/o medicación, abrazarlo y darle un beso de buenas noches, mientras le leen “Azabache” antes de acostarse, y así sucesivamente.
Tu lindo corazoncito ecuestre podría además obviar decirte que está pagando, probablemente, entre $3,000 y $20,000 en “tack” y equipamiento. Oh, lo siento, “tack” es su manera elegante de describir el equipo que usa el caballo como la silla de montar, las riendas, la brida, el arnés y ese tipo de cosas.
Además, ella necesitará utensilios para el cuidado y acicalado del caballo, para mantener a su “muchacho” limpio y presentable. Ella gastará de cientos a miles de dólares en estos artículos. Sí, añada efectos de sonido de caja registradora aquí. Cha-ching!
Yo creo que ya has entendido el punto, pero no nos olvidemos de los costos del veterinario y del herrador: tu pequeña novia estará feliz de pagar miles de dólares al año para que un herrador aparezca por las instalaciones donde se aloja el caballo para recortar sus cascos y reajustar sus herraduras. Del mismo modo, ella gastará otros mil dólares, o más, al año para la atención veterinaria de rutina. Por supuesto, eso es si su caballo no tiene problemas de salud significativos o lesiones que sanar. Ah, por cierto, los caballos SIEMPRE tienen problemas de salud significativos o lesiones que sanar.
Casi olvidé mencionar, si esta Chica Caballo es jinete dressage (doma clásica), eso significa que ella invariablemente debe tener un entrenador snob (probablemente del Reino Unido o de Alemania) que muy probablemente está exigiendo un pequeño paquete a cambio de una lección one-on-one en su arena. Advertencia: el entrenador se verá agitado, molesto, y rara vez reconocerá tu presencia cuando visites el granero con la Sra. Ecuestre. Serás recibido tan calurosamente como Sheriff Bart en Blazing Saddles. Sí, ella te verá como la ayuda. Abraza ese sentimiento, durará para siempre.
Tu chica también querrá competir en cualquier número de espectáculos de caballos durante los meses de primavera y verano. Ella estará montando en estas demostraciones en un intento de anotar un 60.0 o más, en su paseo para ganar créditos hacia su siguiente medalla. Sí, adivinaste, si ella práctica dressage, no estará luciendo vaqueros viejos y una camiseta con
Oh, por cierto, ella estará emocionada con esas cintas azules, rojas, amarillas y rosas que representan su plaza en cada evento de montar. Sí, gastará cientos, si no miles de dólares para poder competir en estos espectáculos de caballos en todo el país cada año, pero, eso sí, las cintas de las que está tan orgullosa probablemente valen alrededor de $ 1.50 por pieza (Shanghai, China). Saca las cuentas. Además de los costos de competencia asociados con el evento, seguramente ella abrirá su monedero impreso con caballitos y gastará entre $ 50 y $ 1.200 en equipamiento, camisetas, equipo de aseo y otros artículos de los vendedores que encuentre mientras espera su turno.
Puedo bloguear todo el día sobre la escalada de los costos relacionados con la posesión de un caballo, pero aquí está la narrativa: Cuando comiences a salir con esta Chica Caballo, rápidamente te involucrarás de alguna manera como financiador de algunos de estos gastos que he mencionado anteriormente. Sí, ese grito desgarrador que acabas de oír en la distancia fue tu cuenta de ahorros.
OK, ya tenemos cubierto todas las implicaciones económicas de salir con una Chica Caballo, ahora, hablemos sobre el rumbo que tomaría su relación si decides ignorar mi consejo y caer inevitablemente en la trampa diabólica que representa una Chica Caballo.
Si prestas atención a alguna cosa en este post, por favor entiende esto: la Chica Caballo puede decirte que ella te ama todos los días mientras agarra sus almohadillas para la silla de montar y salta en su nuevo Ford F-250 que está enganchado a un Trailer estacionado en su calle, pero ten seguro de que ella ama mucho, mucho, mucho, más a su caballo.
Imagina que tú y el caballo están atrapados en un puente que se derrumba con aguas devastadoras corriendo debajo. La Chica Caballo llama al 911 y dentro de quince minutos el cuerpo de bomberos, la policía, y los ingenieros de combate de la Guardia Nacional del Ejército llegan con su equipo para rescatarte a ti y a el caballo del puente. Desafortunadamente, el equipo sólo tiene tiempo suficiente para transportar a uno de ustedes, pobres disminuidos, antes de que el puente se rompa y los envíe a ambos a una muerte segura.
El Capitán de la Guardia Nacional se vuelve a tu linda novia ecuestre y dice: “Ok Señora, sé que esto va a ser doloroso de escuchar, pero sólo tenemos tiempo para salvar a uno, tu novio o el caballo; ¿Cuál será?”
Sip, siento ser quien te muestre esta cruel verdad amigo mío, solo espero que seas un hombre religioso y que tu testamento esté actualizado.
Insisto, no tienes que tomar mi consejo, pero debes entender dónde y cual será tu lugar entre las prioridades de tu pareja o, el cielo no lo permita, si decides pedir en matrimonio a una Chica Caballo.
Recuerda que cada decisión que tome en su vida, cada artículo que compre, todas las relaciones que establezca y la totalidad del tiempo que invierta durante un día determinado, ella estará siempre atada al cuidado, mantenimiento, entrenamiento y felicidad de su caballo(s).
Sinceramente, se sentirá como si estuviera engañándote con otro hombre; un hombre con el que pasa mucho tiempo durante toda la semana. Un hombre que vive desnudo y asustado en un granero, come heno y avena, y hace caca alrededor de un millón de veces al día. Después de que tu adoctrinamiento haya seguido su curso, eventual e inevitablemente, te encontrarás limpiando el establo de su caballo en una mañana de invierno amargamente fría, mientras ella está en la arena para su tercera lección de equitación dressage de la semana. Mirarás a través de los prados ondulantes, te estremecerás, apestarás, y eventualmente vas a mirar hacia arriba y pensaras: “¿cómo llegué hasta aquí?” Será en ese momento que te acuerdes de haber leído este post, ya será demasiado tarde. Ahora “envaquerate” y dejar de llorar como debilucho! Tenías una opción. Lo arruinaste. Estás hasta el cuello ahora. Esa risa misteriosa que escuchas en la distancia es tu alma convirtiéndose hacia el lado oscuro.
Si este post todavía no ha logrado persuadirte con éxito para que evites el contacto con todas las Chicas Caballo atractivas y disponibles que encuentres en el futuro, tu destino está en tus propias manos hermano. Buena suerte.
Ok, ahora que he logrado encender a miles de buenas Chicas Caballo en todo el país con este artículo, por favor, sepan que no tendré mucho tiempo para leer sus comentarios alterados ni sus llamados de fieras enardecidas. Probablemente estaré en el granero ayudando diligentemente a mi hermosa Chica Caballo, con quien llevo 13 años de matrimonio, a prepararse para su próximo show. Relájense, los maridos de Chicas Caballo, como yo, somos conocidos a menudo por tener un gran sentido del humor, de vez en cuando.
Escrito por Scott Mcginnis | Goombay Tally
Your Kids Will Give You The Dinosaur Look When You Tell Them This.
Written by Corinne Dodd | Goombay Tally | Mom Humor
I can remember sitting at the dinner table and intently listening to my father talk about the times of his youth and the “struggle” — if you will — that his generation had to endure. I’m certain you’ve heard similar stories from your parents or grandparents as well. Having to walk 20 miles (through blizzards, hurricanes, and tornadoes) to get to school. Waking up at 3 o’clock in the morning to feed the chickens and milk the cows before heading to school. Having to share one measly can of “Spam” and a sleeve of Ritz crackers with their 15 brothers and sisters for dinner. Invariably, we all sat there in awe, amazement, and also horror at the seemingly barbaric and substandard conditions that our parents had to endure.
Let’s admit it … comparatively, our parents made our generation appear to be soft, weak, and undeservingly entitled. O.K., yes… in many instances, I really can’t argue with them. I get it…we’re talking about the generations that stormed the beaches of Normandy against well entrenched–crack German forces or crawled through the hot, snake-infested jungles of Vietnam.
Now that my husband and I have our own little people in the house, there are indeed more than a few occasions at the breakfast and dinner table that quickly bring me back to our conversations with my father. So now that the roles are reversed, though interesting…I don’t know if I like it much.
So last week my 5-year-old is patiently waiting for breakfast to be made and he begins his standard ramblings about Lightening McQueen, Star Wars, his pre-kindergarten teacher Mrs. Stevens, interesting commentaries on spiders, and his newest iPad app. Next, he throws me his first-ever “dinosaur” question.
“Momma, what was your favorite iPad app when you were a little girl,” he says in the most innocent, sweet voice a 5- year-old boy could ever conjure up. Here we go, I thought to myself.
“Um…baby, iPads didn’t exist when Mommy was a little girl,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. My son stared at me blankly for about five seconds. I could see the wheels were spinning in his head and I astutely anticipated the follow-on questions accordingly. I was wrong.
“Oh…so you only had the “h-Pad” to play with when you were a little girl right Mommy?” he said.
Huh? “What’s a h-Pad honey?” I asked him with a puzzled look. He went on to explain that since there were no iPads when I was young, that I must have had a h-Pad because “h” comes before “i” in the alphabet. A 5-year-old’s logic right? I certainly wished that I could have said yes and left the conversation right there but I would have done good ol’ Dad a grave injustice by doing so.
Subsequently, I had to explain to my son that the technology that we currently enjoy wasn’t actually invented in the 1970s and that when I said that iPads didn’t “exist” when I was his age…I (really) meant that with the exception of the television, radio, Cabbage Patch Kids, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, Star Wars action figures (yep…I had three brothers), books, and board games…the balance of our entertainment and excitement existed (mostly) outdoors. Of course I explained all of this at the kindergarten or Sesame Street tone and level.
The stare that my son gave me next can only be described as a hybrid of extreme pity that you only reserve for a dying kitten or puppy and that look that you see kids use at the Smithsonian Institution’s Museum of Natural History as they walk past the Triceratops display.
I was now a dinosaur. Ouch.
Poor Mommy. How horrible life must have been for you without Netflix, Xbox game systems, a cellphone, and Roblox?
I could see that my son was now re-calculating everything that he thought he ever knew about me. iPads and Xbox was an obvious evolutionary overshoot in his mind now…he would have to lower the progressive bar a little…O.K.–well, a lot. Well, way lower than he would be able to limbo under for sure. He was rethinking the calculus.
“Mommy, did cars exist when you were a little girl?” my son now said in a hesitant voice.
“Yes dear…cars were around when your “old Mom was a little girl” I said. “But our cars were a little different back then,” I continued. I was prepared to explain to my son the quintessential differences, distinctions, and nuances of cars in the ‘70s compared to the high performance, computer-designed, computer-enabled, voice-activated, GPS-guided vehicles that we enjoy today.
However, before I could continue, my son quickly chimed in, “Oh, I know Mommy…when you were a little girl, you had to drive your cars while running with your feet…just like in The Flintstones right?” He began to laugh uncontrollably until he tumbled out of the kitchen chair and onto the floor.
And there you have it…there was my dinosaur connection with my kids ladies and gentlemen. My son definitely thinks I’m prehistoric. I laughed out loud and told him that he was so silly. Of course by then, my son’s attention moved on to much more important matters like “why don’t dogs use the toilet when they poop–like we do,” and “when will breakfast ready.”
This was only the beginning of these fascinating, yet demoralizing conversations that I had with my kids. In fact, (brace yourselves) the hits just keep coming now.
Honestly, as a parent, I’m really beginning to enjoy our “back in the day” talks now; just like my Dad did back in the day I’m sure. Moreover, I pray that my kids realize and appreciate just how blessed they really are today. To be alive during this incredibly exciting and innovative phase of human history.
Yes, I’m starting to get a true sense of my own mortality, but I’m also contemplating what type of conversations my kids will ultimately have with my grandkids.
I’m guessing that they would say something like this: “you kiddos have it sooooo easy these days…when I was your age, my father and mother would actually have to drive the car using something called a steering wheel.” Or “believe it or not, there was a time when we had to actually point a remote control device at our T.V.s to change the channel…instead of just talking to it,” and so on.
If you are a parent, the fun won’t just stop there. Get ready to hear the following questions as well…have fun with that:
- Did they have schools when you were a little girl (or boy)?
- Were airplanes invented when you were growing up?
- Did you live in a cave when you were growing up?
- What did they call Christmas a long time ago when you were little?
- Were there actually people in your T.V. a long time ago when you were little?
- Did you dress like Jesus when you were growing up as a child?
- Were you a cowboy or Indian (Native American…sorry) a long time ago when you were young.
Written by Corinne Dodd | Goombay Tally Blog