10 Beautiful Tweets That Will Make You Book a Trip to Hydra, Greece Right Now. Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally | www.goombaytally.com | Hydra, Greece | Please contact us at [email protected] for feedback, writer and advertisement requests. For those that are unfamiliar with the Greek Islands — “Hydra” is one of the […]
15 Guerilla Tactics To Set Yourself Apart From The Pack in The Workplace Right Now.
Written by Scott McGinnis (CEO, XGrunt Inc.) for Goombay Tally Blog | Business Leadership | Strategic Management
Newsflash: The same economy that sustained and propelled our parents and grandparents doesn’t exist anymore. That economic paradigm where “Paw Paw” graduated from high school (or not) and walked into the factory on the east side of town, asked “Nana” for her hand in marriage, dropped about 7 kids and supported an entire family comfortably on one salary? Yep, it’s gone.
Fast-forward the clock to today … the economy that you and I are experiencing right now sees young, educated college graduates … from really good schools … hanging out in mom’s basement, wordsmithing their resumes for the fifth time in a week and hoping for at least one solitary phone call for an interview out of the 35 applications that they submitted that week.
Moreover, many college graduates are making caramel mochas with whipped cream and iced coffees at the local Starbucks down the road that they used to hang out in as a student studying for finals. The irony is both deafening and depressing.
I believe a reasonable percentage of college grads will eventually find that job or position that sort of challenges them intellectually and professionally, but once they get that interview and subsequent job offer … the question is: now that we’ve escaped mom’s basement (and dad’s critical glare of condemnation), how do I galvanize my value as an employee to keep myself out of the unemployment line and off of mom’s couch in the future?
Additionally, if my boss was told that he had to let two people go next week, what have I been doing since I arrived here to ensure that my name never comes up for serious consideration?
Obviously, the trick is to start planning your teflon performance strategy on day one in your workplace so if you ever find yourself in a potential layoff situation, you know that you’ve done everything you can do within your power and capability to prove your worth to your company.
You have to prove to your company or organization that you are not only a valuable new recruit, but that you have the potential for being an invaluable future leader within the organization that they need to invest in by grooming and polishing for bigger and better things beyond your entry-level skill-set.
Will layoffs happen regardless of how hard and industrious you are on the job? Of course they will — “shift happens” and there are always financial and human capital decisions that have to be made that are above our pay grade and out of our direct control.
But that doesn’t matter right now. Right now, you need to ensure that you set yourself light-years ahead of your peers by developing a work ethic and attitude that keeps your name and face constantly reverberating through the upper management suites and offices with the breathtaking view of the city. For good reasons of course.
Here are some guerilla tactics that you can incorporate right now in the workplace to establish your unique brand of excellence and professionalism.
The good news?
You will find in many instances that it may not be that hard to set yourself apart from the pack in your workplace.
Many new employees come into the workplace with a strategy of keeping quiet, inconspicuous, and just staying out of trouble. And let’s be honest … some employees are just there for the paycheck. These employees are easy to identify:
The “Meh Employee” Key Indicators
- They arrive to work either just on time or “unfashionably” late everyday
- They just do the very minimum to get the job done and never go above and beyond the customer’s expectations
- They never volunteer for anything – that’s seen as being a “brown-noser or sell-out”
- They never network or collaborate with their peers on anything outside of obligatory job tasks
- They fear change, growth, and innovation as much as cats fear cucumbers
- They avoid rigorous analytical effort, hard work, and generally lack substantive productivity
I could list many more characteristics of the Meh employee but I think you get the point. Point being: setting yourself apart in the workplace isn’t really as difficult as you think. But it does require hard work, heads-up cognizance of opportunities, and Rocky Balboa-style perseverance.
Try these tactics right now — don’t wait until next week:
15 Guerilla Tactics To Set Yourself Apart From The Pack in The Workplace
Set Your Watch 10 Minutes Ahead and Never Be Late For Anything … Ever!
Repeat after me … “I will never be late for a meeting….ever.” When you can’t get to a meeting on time, your supervisor will naturally wonder what other things you are failing to do within the organization when they don’t see you. Even if a person is a mediocre employee … if they can at least consistently show up on time … they can hide a multitude of weaknesses in other areas. Don’t let these people outpace you on the job over something so simple as showing up to a conference room when you’re supposed to. Additionally, when supervisors and co-workers consistently see that you are the first one to arrive at meetings and scheduled events, they begin to realize that you mean business and this instantly identifies you as a strong and reliable employee.
Volunteer for Everything You Can Until You’ve Established a Solid Reputation of Dedication to the Company:
Remember that most of your co-workers have been brain-washed to think that you should never volunteer for anything because mediocre people in their past have convinced them that volunteerism makes you “square,” a nerd, a brown-noser, a kiss-ass etc. Throw that mentality out the window now. This is the mentality of the lazy. And by the way … these will be the same people who are sweating rain buckets when they find out that management has to make layoffs. Don’t follow their lead. It will lead to a life of missed opportunities and woeful underachievement.
“Under Promise” and “Over Deliver” on Everything:
Do you remember the time when your parents took you to McDonalds as a kid and you carefully opened up the bag to grab your hamburger and fries, only to also find two warm onion rings sitting in the carton or in the bottom of the bag? Do you remember how you felt? You didn’t order onion rings with your fries, but one of the McDonalds employees kindly (or accidentally) threw in a few extras for you to nibble on without you asking for it and at no additional cost. Well, in the business world, people love that experience of extra value too. Build your personal brand recognition by being the employee who goes beyond what the customer or supervision asks them to do and deliver that extra onion ring. You’ll quickly see that people will climb over themselves to seek you out personally because they know that you are giving them premium service every time. All the time.
Within the next 30 Days – Establish a Relationship with At Least Three People Outside of Your Company that Either Support, Are Supported By, or Collaborate with It:
Establishing professional relationships outside of your organization will help you expand your perspective and will readjust your vantage point. This tactic will also give you insight into ways to improve your organization’s processes and planning strategies. You will then be equipped to bring solutions to your supervisor because you are thinking outside of the corporate stove-pipes and exploiting information that many employees aren’t aware of.
Frequently Ask Your Boss What His or Her Biggest Pain Point Is …Then Make That Your #1 Priority to Solve:
In some organizations, you will know immediately or intuitively what your boss’s immediate pain points are. They will be screaming about it every opportunity they get and you will hear it discussed in the board-room every week. However, some of you may work in companies where those variables simply aren’t that apparent because of the complexity of business dynamics or because of where you or your skill-set stands in the office hierarchy. This is when you have to take the initiative and ask your boss what causes him or her the most headaches on the job and prevents the team from completing their objectives. This question will accomplish two things: first it will tell your supervisor that you are genuinely concerned about helping him or her do their job better, and two: it shows your supervisor that you really get it. You understand why they hired you in the first place – to get the job done through smart analysis of how the organization efficiently accomplishes mission objectives and handles challenges.
Find Out What Your Boss’s Bosses’ Priorities Are:
One of the best supervisors I’ve ever worked for gave me some of the most valuable business advice years ago when he told me that if I quickly learn what my boss’s bosses’ priorities are … then I automatically know what my workplace priorities should be. Think about it … if your supervisor’s boss sees that his priorities are being satisfactorily managed and that his or her objectives are being met, (or exceeded) then your boss is (by definition) doing their job. That’s a good thing. In turn, how do you think your boss will feel about your work performance when she isn’t taking heat from her boss for not taking care of their key priorities. Exactly.
Create a Spreadsheet or Calendar With All Your Co-Worker’s Birthdays Listed.
Want to create a personal support system of people who are all willing to do anything for you whenever you need it? Show your co-workers that you can remember something special like their birthday by giving everyone a birthday card on their special day. Also, say congratulations on the birth of their newborn with a card, send your condolences on the loss of their mother with a card and flowers, and always congratulate co-workers when they get a promotion. This act of thoughtfulness and kindness helps to set you apart from others — especially in a day and age when people are self-absorbed and caught up in their own lives and Facebook accounts. In turn, how hard do you think it will be to solicit their help or dial in a favor now and then when you need it in the future? You guessed it.
Never Bring a Problem to Your Boss Without Presenting a Viable Solution Along With It.
There is probably nothing more annoying to a supervisor than an employee who is an expert at explaining problems or issues within the organization but then turns around and walks out of the office without any substantive solutions to counter these obstacles. You need to develop a habit of discussing problems with your supervisor — along with recommendations for solving it in the following breath. This tells your boss that you are an employee that doesn’t just dump the bag of horse crap on his desk and leaves it for him or her to sort through on their own … this also shows your boss that you are an employee who can conceivably serve as a future supervisor as well … hint, hint. Anyone can rattle off a bunch of problems or challenges to another person — heck, your children and radio talk show hosts make a living out of doing that right? But it takes a critical thinker and leader to come up with a solid battle plan to help resolve them.
Identify The Root Cause of a Problem Afflicting Your Company or Organization and Kill It.
Want to know the quickest way to be a hero within your company? Find the one problem that upper management has been wrestling with for years and come up with some well thought out, well researched solutions moving forward. Remember, most of your co-workers will just be doing the zombie office thing and slugging into the office in the morning, hanging around the coffee pot throughout the day, and punching the clock in the evening to head home or to the bar. You’re better than that. You will put in the extra hours and collaborate with like-minded employees to fix limiting issues within the organization. That’s what supervisors look for in future leaders.
Don’t Be Intimidated By Fast-Burners in Your Company… Instead, See Them As Learning Opportunities Instead of A Threat:
Every organization has the guy or gal who seems to just fly at a higher altitude in terms of general intellect, work ethic, energy, skill level, leadership ability, etc. Instead of seeing these “marvels of the workplace” as enemies or threats … see them as an opportunity to learn and expand your own skill-sets. Most professional overachievers will be more than happy to share their “secrets of success” with you if you ask them. That guy in your office who is an absolute wizard at creating jaw-dropping spreadsheets, can probably show you two simple Excel spreadsheet tricks today that will impact your immediate team’s projects in a truly meaningful way, while impressing your boss at the same time. Hating on “Jerry” and “throwing shade” because you suck at Excel and avoiding him produces nothing positive for you. But collaborating with Jerry may gain you knowledge and a new skill. You choose.
Find Out What Your Organization’s Critical Tasks Are and Learn to Do Them.
Every office, organization, company, corporation, and military unit has a set of critical tasks that are vital to mission accomplishment, and in many ways, defines success or failure for the entire team or service. Ask a F-15E pilot if he or she thinks they are specifically trained to accomplish a critical task for the United States Air Force. You need to find the key, critical tasks that have to be completed every time and in the right way in your organization and attempt to learn how to do those tasks. Grant it, some of these tasks may require special certifications, education, and skill-sets … if those variables are within the realm of the achievable … figure out a way to complete it. Even inquire into whether your company would be willing to pay for that requisite certification, masters degree, or course … if not, decide if it is worth digging into your own pocket to finance yourself. Why? Well … part of setting yourself apart from your peers involves possessing rare skill-sets that are critical to the organization’s survival. Here’s the truth: everyone has an important job … but some jobs are so important that there is a plausible risk of sinking the entire company if that that job isn’t done correctly and with steadfast precision. That’s the responsibility you really want to be apart of and learn.
Find Out Who Your Company’s Stakeholders Are and Become A Recognizable Asset to Them.
Your organization’s stakeholders are simply entities with a special interest or concern in your company’s product, activities, or services. These are your customers and investors. These are also people that will ultimately determine the success or failure of your company. You need to identify who your organization’s stakeholders are and ensure that all of their expectations are met and exceeded on a daily basis. If their expectations are not being met, you have to discover why not – and fix it immediately. This level or professional “hustle” and due diligence will not only get you noticed quickly, but will gain you positive attention with corporate.
Never Bad Mouth Your Boss or Your Co-Workers:
Get into the habit of never gossiping in the workplace about your management or co-workers. Gossiping is a cancer that eventually brings down the organization and infuses mistrust and disloyalty into the team. Additionally, the person you engage with during a gossiping session about “Susie in Marketing” or the boss, will be the same person who spreads ill-will about you when you make a mistake or when the chips are down. Furthermore, the toxic office environment that is polluted with gossiping and back-stabbing will eventually impact sales, mission accomplishment, organizational objectives, and of course, morale. You don’t want to be a part of, or even associated with the inevitable Titanic scenario that will invariably ensue. If there are true office problems that need to be addressed, always discuss them face-to-face with your supervision and keep everything above board.
Become The “Go-To” Person For Your Office:
Everyone has that one person in the workplace who everyone goes to for technical, program, or service questions. In fact, you’ve noticed that this guy or gal is so important to your daily work activity, that his or her absence is felt immediately when they are not there. Thrive to be that person in your office or workplace. If you are new to the company – find out who these people are and more importantly, figure out the skills or knowledge that makes them the “go-to” guy. (follow #11 above)
Never Upstage Your Boss In Public – Always Make Them Look Good:
Good supervisors will always create and look for opportunities for you to grow and develop within the organization and your profession. With that said … allow them to elevate your standing within the company over time and as a direct consequence of your hard work and dedication. Never attempt to take a short-cut up the success ladder by trying to upstage them in front of their boss or the rest of the team. This tactic rarely ends well for those that attempt it. Instead, be a team player who ensures that the “head coach” receives their due credit during your successes and is well supported during times of failure and challenge. If you are taking care of the boss and other team members – you will get the right level of credit and reward that you have coming to you anyway. However, if your boss is clearly incompetent and should not be in a position of authority, continue to be the hard working, dedicated worker that you pledged to be during your initial job interview. Besides, the laws of business management and human capital will typically right-size those supervisory mismatches — much like a basketball coach ensuring that his average player isn’t guarding Stephen Curry on the court in a big game.
Oh … By The Way, Here’s Your “Onion Ring”… #16. Get It?
Make It Your Goal To Remember The First Name of Everyone You Formally Meet.
One of the most impressive senior officers that I’ve ever had the honor of working for during my active duty military time, was known all over the base for his innate ability to recall the names of not only everyone under his command, but literally everyone he met face-to-face. I actually witnessed this feat first hand one day after work as I was finishing up my last rep on the weight bench at the base fitness center. As I was about to clear the weights from the bar and wipe down the bench, I heard a deep, but friendly voice say hello, and call me by my rank and name. I turned around and was surprised to see that it was my group commander. Mind you, I had no idea that this full-bird Colonel even knew who I was, much less my name. Yes … a simple thing, but what an impact this ability has on subordinates, co-workers, and leadership. As a team member in the workplace … you have to add this tactic to your tool box if you’re going to set yourself apart from the pack. Not everyone is good at remembering names and job associations … that’s why you have to be the guy who walks into a leadership conference in Las Vegas and remembers everyone that you meet during the first break, because you understand the impact that this skill has on building strong business relationships and networking. Who do you think new acquaintances and potential clients are going to want to collaborate with in the future? Someone who takes the time to remember their name, or the guy who can’t even remember where they first met? Exactly. Good luck out there my friend. Be fearless.
Written by Scott McGinnis, CEO, XGrunt Inc. | Goombay Tally Blog / Facebook
Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally | goombaytally.com | Parenting
15 Universal Kid “True-isms” Parents Can Absolutely Take to The Bank
I believe all parents have said out loud — or quietly wished that they had a single, all-in-one, comprehensive, “tell-us-really-like-it-is” handbook on parenting BEFORE they actually had kids.
A book that unapologetically bypasses the painfully academic, straight-laced, perfect world scenarios involving perfect parenting and model-ready mothers wearing tennis skirts and drinking Starbucks ice coffee… They just want the information they really need to know.
Like the CliffsNotes of Parenting right?
Stuff like … well … the fact that “juice” is as good as freakin’ gold or currency to a child. The fact that kids will sell their precious little souls for one solitary Minute Maid, Apple Juice box. Or that during the span of two years (or more) you will physically handle more poopy diapers and go through more packs of wet wipes than you ever imagined you could. Your one regret will be that you failed to buy tons of stock in Pampers or Huggies.
Here’s one: expecting parents need to know that babies will wake up so many times throughout the night that they eventually won’t recall whether they actually slept or not. Don’t be afraid to tell them that their night will become a hazy blur filled with fleeting images of dimly lit hallways, the refrigerator, their babies crib with the screaming little angel inside, and their iPhone screen that shows “2:00 A.M.”
Moreover, they will stare at themselves in the mirror as they prepare for work in the morning and — for at least ten seconds — wonder who the old haggardly-looking, sleep-deprived, Stephen King-inspired person is that’s staring back at them through crusty, thin slits for eyes.
But wait, there’s more …
New parents need to know that sex will no longer exist as the gloriously romantic and breath-taking experience that it once was. Conversely, sex will quickly begin to look more like a weird cross between a Nascar pit crew swapping out tires on a racecar and a sadly rushed derivative of the game hide and go seek.
Here’s another one: if you’re a young parent, you now know that informing your kid that it’s bedtime is [reactionarily] analogous to telling New England Patriots fans that Tom Brady just retired. Yep … total mayhem and biblical gnashing of teeth. Baby teeth that is.
Parents not only know “the struggle,” of raising young kids, they become the struggle in many cases. Yes, these are the worn and pathetic people we all have to deal with on the interstate during rush hour, at the workplace, in the grocery store, and at the DMV.
Ever wonder why the two-hundred pound, disheveled … I’m wearing my house slippers outside of the house, lady in front of you in line at McDonalds is screaming at the bewildered cashier at the top of her voice because they just ran out of Chicken McNuggets? Yep … her kids drove her to this state. Don’t judge. The struggle is indeed real bruh.
What about the weird guy at the Wal-Mart checkout line with the white tube socks pulled up to his knees who just turned a (seemingly) simple point of sale transaction with the cashier into a C-Span broadcasted session of Congress — armed with two-year old expired coupons and outdated sales papers in hand to boot. Yes … you guessed it: his kids pushed him over the edge.
You get the point I think … and oh, by the way, if you are still looking for that all-inclusive parenting handbook … it doesn’t exist … and this short blog certainly won’t help you tremendously.
However, here are fifeteen true-isms about kids that all parents will instantly recognize and attest to…let this be a gentle warning and guide to the rest of you who are still holding out on producing one or many of these “gifts from Jesus”:
When You’re Running Late for An Appointment or Event, Rest Assure, Your Infant Will Poop His Diaper in The Absolute Worst and Tragic Way. Buy Tons of Clorox Wipes and Plan Accordingly.
Your Child Will Demand Juice or Water Immediately After You Put Them Down for Bedtime and Kiss Them Goodnight…It’s a Kid Law… Get Used to It.
Regardless of the Fact That None of Your Kids Needed You For Anything Within the Last 15 Minutes, Once You Lock the Bathroom Door and Sit Down on The Toilet and Do Your Business in Peace, You Will Instantly be Summoned by Everyone in Your House, Under the Age of 16.
The Child You Witness Crawling on the Floor and Whining When You Ask Them to Clean Their Room, Will Be the Same Child You See Infused with Excitement and Vigor Once You Announce That You’re Going to Toys-R-Us. Use That to Your Advantage.
Your Child Will Not Like or Eat Anything That Doesn’t Come in a Small Red Box with a Happy Face on it and a Plastic-Bagged Toy Inside.
Like a Pack of Wild Hyenas, Your Kids Are Naturally Programmed to Migrate to The Room That You Just Finished Cleaning and Vacuuming.
The Announcement of Bedtime to Your Kids Will Ignite Immediate Shock, Faux Illness, Spontaneous Injuries, Deep Depression, and Extreme Filibuster Tactics That Would Make Senator Ted Cruz Proud.
Once You Start a Phone Conversation, Your Kids Will Immediately Need Your Undivided Attention for Seemingly Meaningless or Nonsensical Issues…Also See #3 above.
You Will Never Be as Cool, Caring, and Awesome as Grandma and Grandpa … Get Used To That Notion Right Now.
The Same Child Who Literally Drove You to The Edge of Insanity an Hour Ago Will Melt Your Heart While You Watch Them Sleep Like an Angel During a Nap. This is Mother Nature’s Way of Calming Your Frayed and Damaged Nerves.
Kids are Some of the Quickest, Most Agile, and Flexible Creatures on the Face of the Earth – Of Course, Unless You Ask Them to Get Dressed and Put on Their Shoes Before Leaving the House in the Morning.
Your Expensive Items Around the House Will Begin to Break “Spontaneously.” For Example, Your Kids Will Attempt to Convince You That Your Lamp Just “Fell on The Floor and Broke”. Be Prepared to Lose Crap that You Once Cherished.
You Will Never Be Able to Prove Which One of Your Kids Hit The Other Kid First. Each Child Will Swear on The Good Book That They Were Pummeled First By The Other One. It Will Be a Lasting Mystery For You Throughout the Course of Parenthood. Good Luck With That.
Your Child Will Have Zero Interest in “Toy X” — Of Course Until Another Kid Picks it Up and Begins Playing With It. Be Advised: At That Point, All Hell Will Break Out.
Your Middle Kid Will Be Like The One Guy at Your Prom in High School That Didn’t Come with a Date and Looks Like He Just Wants to Go Home and Watch Dr. Who Reruns. Give Him or Her a Break.
Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally | www.goombaytally.com
10 Razones por las que nunca debes salir con una Chica Caballo.
Escrito por Scott Mcginnis | Goombay Tally | Chica Caballo
Si tú eres el tipo de hombre que siente afinidad por todo aquello relacionado con el mundo ecuestre, por favor para de leer esto ahora y muévete a un blog o website más apropiado, como “HorseAdvise.com“, “Spin to Win: Rodeo Magazine” o lo que sea que ustedes lean para mantenerse inspirados. Este post no está hecho para ti. En el no encontraras valor sustantivo ni preventivo que pueda servirte de algo. En realidad este post es una advertencia para todos los hombres solteros que están todavía jugando en el campo de las citas y aún tienen la oportunidad de evitar correr y potencialmente caer, ante un miembro de la relativamente pequeña comunidad de mujeres que yo cariñosamente llamo “Chicas Caballo”
Las Chicas Caballo son mujeres que comen, duermen, sueñan y hablan sobre caballos 24 horas al día, 7 días a la semana. Estas son damas “adorables” que priorizan diligentemente sus vidas en torno al cuidado, bienestar, desempeño y salud general de sus caballos y del equipo que estos requieren.
No debes preocuparte, estas mujeres son muy fáciles de detectar. Ellas regularmente usan una gorra de béisbol con el logo de su granero o de su entrenador bordado en la parte delantera y su cabello lo llevan prolijamente recogido en una cola de caballo que sale de la parte posterior de la gorra. En el invierno, ellas llevarán una chaqueta de montar, probablemente con un bordado o remiendo de Dover Saddlery en alguna parte, haciendo juego con elegantes pantalones de montar y botas de montar a caballo negras; o el traje alternativo, jeans gastados y botas de vaquero. Créanme, los ajustados pantalones de montar serán los responsables de que resbalen y caigan ante sus encantos si no son cuidadosos. Advertencia: ¡Las Chicas Caballo son increíblemente atractivas! Mi consejo: se fuerte cuando las veas y “por amor a Dios”, no mires hacia abajo.
Según el Consejo Americano del Caballo, si vives en el estado de Florida, la industria del caballo tiene un impacto de alrededor de $ 5.1 mil millones en la economía del estado, tomando en cuenta el efecto multiplicador del gasto que involucra a los proveedores y empleados de la industria. Además, la industria del caballo proporciona casi 38.300 puestos de trabajo a tiempo completo en el estado. Si esto te parece poco, hay cerca de 440,000 floridanos involucrados en la industria del caballo como propietarios, proveedores de servicios, empleados o voluntarios. Todo esto significa que la probabilidad de que te encuentres con una Chica Caballo en Target o en Wal-Mart de Florida es exponencialmente más alta que la de tu hermano en Nueva York, donde sólo hay 152,000 residentes directamente involucrados en la industria equestre.
Ahora que hemos establecido el hecho de que hay una amenaza viable de Chicas Caballo en este país. Vamos a explicar por qué debes evitar salir con estas mujeres a toda costa:
Comencemos por echar un vistazo a los “costos” asociados con la propiedad y el cuidado de un caballo. Para un hermano despistado, oír a una linda Chica Caballo alardear de “poseer” un caballo [solamente] le parecerá un asunto bastante simple con casi ninguna implicación financiera a largo plazo. Igual que comprar un cachorro de pastor alemán: compras una bolsa de “Puppy Chow“, llenas el recipiente de agua como es costumbre, caminas con él dos vece al día, visitas el veterinario una o dos veces al año, y gastas tal vez menos de $ 1.200. Arroja inmediatamente esta idea por la ventana cuando se trate del cuidado de un caballo. Aquí te dejo la información clasificada de lo que implica el cuidado ecuestre por día:
Primero, esta Chica Caballo con la que estas coqueteando probablemente pagó varios miles de dólares por su caballo, y ese precio varía dependiendo de la cría, de la salud, de la edad, del tamaño, y de la habilidad del performance de su chico. Pero no se detiene ahí amigo mío, el costo inicial por la compra de un caballo es sólo el principio. Comencemos con el establo. Si tu Chica Caballo no posee su propio granero, ella probablemente lo albergará en uno de los miles de graneros que encontramos a través del país. Los costos de estadía del caballo podrían correr desde $ 10,000 a $ 50,000 (o más) al año dependiendo de si ella está “haciendo el trabajo sucio” (básicamente limpiar la mierda del caballo) en su propio puesto o si le paga a algún pobre alma en pena para que haga el trabajo por ella. Pronto te darás cuenta de que los costos por las instalaciones de alojamiento son “de poca monta” comparados a los servicios fuera de ellas. Por ejemplo, ella pagará honorarios adicionales por cubrir el caballo por la noche cuando tenga frío, alimentarlo, administrarle sus vitaminas y/o medicación, abrazarlo y darle un beso de buenas noches, mientras le leen “Azabache” antes de acostarse, y así sucesivamente.
Tu lindo corazoncito ecuestre podría además obviar decirte que está pagando, probablemente, entre $3,000 y $20,000 en “tack” y equipamiento. Oh, lo siento, “tack” es su manera elegante de describir el equipo que usa el caballo como la silla de montar, las riendas, la brida, el arnés y ese tipo de cosas.
Además, ella necesitará utensilios para el cuidado y acicalado del caballo, para mantener a su “muchacho” limpio y presentable. Ella gastará de cientos a miles de dólares en estos artículos. Sí, añada efectos de sonido de caja registradora aquí. Cha-ching!
Yo creo que ya has entendido el punto, pero no nos olvidemos de los costos del veterinario y del herrador: tu pequeña novia estará feliz de pagar miles de dólares al año para que un herrador aparezca por las instalaciones donde se aloja el caballo para recortar sus cascos y reajustar sus herraduras. Del mismo modo, ella gastará otros mil dólares, o más, al año para la atención veterinaria de rutina. Por supuesto, eso es si su caballo no tiene problemas de salud significativos o lesiones que sanar. Ah, por cierto, los caballos SIEMPRE tienen problemas de salud significativos o lesiones que sanar.
Casi olvidé mencionar, si esta Chica Caballo es jinete dressage (doma clásica), eso significa que ella invariablemente debe tener un entrenador snob (probablemente del Reino Unido o de Alemania) que muy probablemente está exigiendo un pequeño paquete a cambio de una lección one-on-one en su arena. Advertencia: el entrenador se verá agitado, molesto, y rara vez reconocerá tu presencia cuando visites el granero con la Sra. Ecuestre. Serás recibido tan calurosamente como Sheriff Bart en Blazing Saddles. Sí, ella te verá como la ayuda. Abraza ese sentimiento, durará para siempre.
Tu chica también querrá competir en cualquier número de espectáculos de caballos durante los meses de primavera y verano. Ella estará montando en estas demostraciones en un intento de anotar un 60.0 o más, en su paseo para ganar créditos hacia su siguiente medalla. Sí, adivinaste, si ella práctica dressage, no estará luciendo vaqueros viejos y una camiseta con
Oh, por cierto, ella estará emocionada con esas cintas azules, rojas, amarillas y rosas que representan su plaza en cada evento de montar. Sí, gastará cientos, si no miles de dólares para poder competir en estos espectáculos de caballos en todo el país cada año, pero, eso sí, las cintas de las que está tan orgullosa probablemente valen alrededor de $ 1.50 por pieza (Shanghai, China). Saca las cuentas. Además de los costos de competencia asociados con el evento, seguramente ella abrirá su monedero impreso con caballitos y gastará entre $ 50 y $ 1.200 en equipamiento, camisetas, equipo de aseo y otros artículos de los vendedores que encuentre mientras espera su turno.
Puedo bloguear todo el día sobre la escalada de los costos relacionados con la posesión de un caballo, pero aquí está la narrativa: Cuando comiences a salir con esta Chica Caballo, rápidamente te involucrarás de alguna manera como financiador de algunos de estos gastos que he mencionado anteriormente. Sí, ese grito desgarrador que acabas de oír en la distancia fue tu cuenta de ahorros.
OK, ya tenemos cubierto todas las implicaciones económicas de salir con una Chica Caballo, ahora, hablemos sobre el rumbo que tomaría su relación si decides ignorar mi consejo y caer inevitablemente en la trampa diabólica que representa una Chica Caballo.
Si prestas atención a alguna cosa en este post, por favor entiende esto: la Chica Caballo puede decirte que ella te ama todos los días mientras agarra sus almohadillas para la silla de montar y salta en su nuevo Ford F-250 que está enganchado a un Trailer estacionado en su calle, pero ten seguro de que ella ama mucho, mucho, mucho, más a su caballo.
Imagina que tú y el caballo están atrapados en un puente que se derrumba con aguas devastadoras corriendo debajo. La Chica Caballo llama al 911 y dentro de quince minutos el cuerpo de bomberos, la policía, y los ingenieros de combate de la Guardia Nacional del Ejército llegan con su equipo para rescatarte a ti y a el caballo del puente. Desafortunadamente, el equipo sólo tiene tiempo suficiente para transportar a uno de ustedes, pobres disminuidos, antes de que el puente se rompa y los envíe a ambos a una muerte segura.
El Capitán de la Guardia Nacional se vuelve a tu linda novia ecuestre y dice: “Ok Señora, sé que esto va a ser doloroso de escuchar, pero sólo tenemos tiempo para salvar a uno, tu novio o el caballo; ¿Cuál será?”
Sip, siento ser quien te muestre esta cruel verdad amigo mío, solo espero que seas un hombre religioso y que tu testamento esté actualizado.
Insisto, no tienes que tomar mi consejo, pero debes entender dónde y cual será tu lugar entre las prioridades de tu pareja o, el cielo no lo permita, si decides pedir en matrimonio a una Chica Caballo.
Recuerda que cada decisión que tome en su vida, cada artículo que compre, todas las relaciones que establezca y la totalidad del tiempo que invierta durante un día determinado, ella estará siempre atada al cuidado, mantenimiento, entrenamiento y felicidad de su caballo(s).
Sinceramente, se sentirá como si estuviera engañándote con otro hombre; un hombre con el que pasa mucho tiempo durante toda la semana. Un hombre que vive desnudo y asustado en un granero, come heno y avena, y hace caca alrededor de un millón de veces al día. Después de que tu adoctrinamiento haya seguido su curso, eventual e inevitablemente, te encontrarás limpiando el establo de su caballo en una mañana de invierno amargamente fría, mientras ella está en la arena para su tercera lección de equitación dressage de la semana. Mirarás a través de los prados ondulantes, te estremecerás, apestarás, y eventualmente vas a mirar hacia arriba y pensaras: “¿cómo llegué hasta aquí?” Será en ese momento que te acuerdes de haber leído este post, ya será demasiado tarde. Ahora “envaquerate” y dejar de llorar como debilucho! Tenías una opción. Lo arruinaste. Estás hasta el cuello ahora. Esa risa misteriosa que escuchas en la distancia es tu alma convirtiéndose hacia el lado oscuro.
Si este post todavía no ha logrado persuadirte con éxito para que evites el contacto con todas las Chicas Caballo atractivas y disponibles que encuentres en el futuro, tu destino está en tus propias manos hermano. Buena suerte.
Ok, ahora que he logrado encender a miles de buenas Chicas Caballo en todo el país con este artículo, por favor, sepan que no tendré mucho tiempo para leer sus comentarios alterados ni sus llamados de fieras enardecidas. Probablemente estaré en el granero ayudando diligentemente a mi hermosa Chica Caballo, con quien llevo 13 años de matrimonio, a prepararse para su próximo show. Relájense, los maridos de Chicas Caballo, como yo, somos conocidos a menudo por tener un gran sentido del humor, de vez en cuando.
Escrito por Scott Mcginnis | Goombay Tally
How To Go “Door Hunting” While on Vacation in Hydra, Greece.
Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally Blog | Hydra, Greece Vacations
For those who are lucky enough to plan a vacation to the beautiful island of Hydra, Greece this summer–a sleepy, majestically nestled harbor town in the Aegean Sea; you know that one of the predominant and mesmerizing characteristics of the island is the old world architecture, incredible Renaissance-like charm, and simplistic lifestyle that will immediately surround you once you arrive. By the way, if you haven’t yet made the decision to put Hydra on your vacation list, please stop what you’re doing and read the hugely popular Goombay Tally article, 11 Reasons Why Hydra, Greece Needs To Be on Your Vacation List Immediately.
Regardless, here’s an interesting vacation “must-do” project for you while you’re enjoying the island…I truly believe you and your family will thoroughly enjoy this adventure…especially if you need an alternative activity to the lazy Hydra beach excursions, top-notch food and restaurants, and shopping in the harbor. Moreover, if you happen to be a professional photographer, you will totally crush this project and we certainly invite you to share your results on our website.
Once you step foot off of the Aegean Flying Dolphin hydrofoil from the port of Piraeus, close to Athens, and onto the harbor of Hydra, you will quickly notice many complex labyrinths of steep and narrow streets coupled with fantastic doors that adorn the small, quaint houses throughout the island. Mostly colorful…often rustic…some artistic…you will absolutely love the bright colors, bold hues and detailed granularity of something so basic and mundane as a ….”door.”
Mind you, an object that is so inherently functional and generally non-impressive as a door, would typically go unnoticed and completely ignored in most towns and cities in the United States.
But not on Hydra.
On this island, (at least in my eyes) doors also serve as functional artwork. Exhuming a burst of individual personalities on cobblestone alleys, much like canvases on display in an outdoor gallery; I tend to believe that each door has a unique story to tell. A quiet and visual display of their history–or the life of those who dwell on the other side.
While on vacation in Hydra, I made sure that I reserved at least one of my vacation days to walk throughout the town and take pictures of the wonderfully colorful doors and to carefully archive as many as I could. As you can imagine, not every door on the island is necessarily “beautiful” (pers se) or even interesting; but that aspect simply adds to the challenge of finding the ones that will give you pause and cause you to simply gaze in admiration.
Believe me, when you see it … you will know it. There will invariably be one there that personally resonates with your soul.
So I’m certain that some of the island residents truly thought that I was a disturbed tourist, but I was mildly obsessed with the “doors of Hydra” and I enjoyed every minute I spent studying and admiring them, or “door hunting” — as my family now refers to it. In fact, I would like to officially submit the term “door hunting” — by definition: the “studying, admiring, and archiving of beautifully built doors” to the good folks at Webster’s Dictionary for consideration. I’m sure they’ll be amused.
I’m also certain the friendly residents of Hydra are used to tourists scampering up and down the mountain, photographing Hydra doors as an activity and art form. I suppose that no one really minds the attention that their doors receive on Hydra, as long as you respect the residents’ privacy and personal property–a rule that can be respected and understood in any language.
So in the interim, I encourage you to finish booking your vacation on Hydra and please share your Hydra “door hunting” pictures on this site when you return.
Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally
Your Kids Will Give You The Dinosaur Look When You Tell Them This.
Written by Corinne Dodd | Goombay Tally | Mom Humor
I can remember sitting at the dinner table and intently listening to my father talk about the times of his youth and the “struggle” — if you will — that his generation had to endure. I’m certain you’ve heard similar stories from your parents or grandparents as well. Having to walk 20 miles (through blizzards, hurricanes, and tornadoes) to get to school. Waking up at 3 o’clock in the morning to feed the chickens and milk the cows before heading to school. Having to share one measly can of “Spam” and a sleeve of Ritz crackers with their 15 brothers and sisters for dinner. Invariably, we all sat there in awe, amazement, and also horror at the seemingly barbaric and substandard conditions that our parents had to endure.
Let’s admit it … comparatively, our parents made our generation appear to be soft, weak, and undeservingly entitled. O.K., yes… in many instances, I really can’t argue with them. I get it…we’re talking about the generations that stormed the beaches of Normandy against well entrenched–crack German forces or crawled through the hot, snake-infested jungles of Vietnam.
Now that my husband and I have our own little people in the house, there are indeed more than a few occasions at the breakfast and dinner table that quickly bring me back to our conversations with my father. So now that the roles are reversed, though interesting…I don’t know if I like it much.
So last week my 5-year-old is patiently waiting for breakfast to be made and he begins his standard ramblings about Lightening McQueen, Star Wars, his pre-kindergarten teacher Mrs. Stevens, interesting commentaries on spiders, and his newest iPad app. Next, he throws me his first-ever “dinosaur” question.
“Momma, what was your favorite iPad app when you were a little girl,” he says in the most innocent, sweet voice a 5- year-old boy could ever conjure up. Here we go, I thought to myself.
“Um…baby, iPads didn’t exist when Mommy was a little girl,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. My son stared at me blankly for about five seconds. I could see the wheels were spinning in his head and I astutely anticipated the follow-on questions accordingly. I was wrong.
“Oh…so you only had the “h-Pad” to play with when you were a little girl right Mommy?” he said.
Huh? “What’s a h-Pad honey?” I asked him with a puzzled look. He went on to explain that since there were no iPads when I was young, that I must have had a h-Pad because “h” comes before “i” in the alphabet. A 5-year-old’s logic right? I certainly wished that I could have said yes and left the conversation right there but I would have done good ol’ Dad a grave injustice by doing so.
Subsequently, I had to explain to my son that the technology that we currently enjoy wasn’t actually invented in the 1970s and that when I said that iPads didn’t “exist” when I was his age…I (really) meant that with the exception of the television, radio, Cabbage Patch Kids, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, Star Wars action figures (yep…I had three brothers), books, and board games…the balance of our entertainment and excitement existed (mostly) outdoors. Of course I explained all of this at the kindergarten or Sesame Street tone and level.
The stare that my son gave me next can only be described as a hybrid of extreme pity that you only reserve for a dying kitten or puppy and that look that you see kids use at the Smithsonian Institution’s Museum of Natural History as they walk past the Triceratops display.
I was now a dinosaur. Ouch.
Poor Mommy. How horrible life must have been for you without Netflix, Xbox game systems, a cellphone, and Roblox?
I could see that my son was now re-calculating everything that he thought he ever knew about me. iPads and Xbox was an obvious evolutionary overshoot in his mind now…he would have to lower the progressive bar a little…O.K.–well, a lot. Well, way lower than he would be able to limbo under for sure. He was rethinking the calculus.
“Mommy, did cars exist when you were a little girl?” my son now said in a hesitant voice.
“Yes dear…cars were around when your “old Mom was a little girl” I said. “But our cars were a little different back then,” I continued. I was prepared to explain to my son the quintessential differences, distinctions, and nuances of cars in the ‘70s compared to the high performance, computer-designed, computer-enabled, voice-activated, GPS-guided vehicles that we enjoy today.
However, before I could continue, my son quickly chimed in, “Oh, I know Mommy…when you were a little girl, you had to drive your cars while running with your feet…just like in The Flintstones right?” He began to laugh uncontrollably until he tumbled out of the kitchen chair and onto the floor.
And there you have it…there was my dinosaur connection with my kids ladies and gentlemen. My son definitely thinks I’m prehistoric. I laughed out loud and told him that he was so silly. Of course by then, my son’s attention moved on to much more important matters like “why don’t dogs use the toilet when they poop–like we do,” and “when will breakfast ready.”
This was only the beginning of these fascinating, yet demoralizing conversations that I had with my kids. In fact, (brace yourselves) the hits just keep coming now.
Honestly, as a parent, I’m really beginning to enjoy our “back in the day” talks now; just like my Dad did back in the day I’m sure. Moreover, I pray that my kids realize and appreciate just how blessed they really are today. To be alive during this incredibly exciting and innovative phase of human history.
Yes, I’m starting to get a true sense of my own mortality, but I’m also contemplating what type of conversations my kids will ultimately have with my grandkids.
I’m guessing that they would say something like this: “you kiddos have it sooooo easy these days…when I was your age, my father and mother would actually have to drive the car using something called a steering wheel.” Or “believe it or not, there was a time when we had to actually point a remote control device at our T.V.s to change the channel…instead of just talking to it,” and so on.
If you are a parent, the fun won’t just stop there. Get ready to hear the following questions as well…have fun with that:
- Did they have schools when you were a little girl (or boy)?
- Were airplanes invented when you were growing up?
- Did you live in a cave when you were growing up?
- What did they call Christmas a long time ago when you were little?
- Were there actually people in your T.V. a long time ago when you were little?
- Did you dress like Jesus when you were growing up as a child?
- Were you a cowboy or Indian (Native American…sorry) a long time ago when you were young.
Written by Corinne Dodd | Goombay Tally Blog