10 Beautiful Tweets That Will Make You Book a Trip to Hydra, Greece Right Now. Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally | www.goombaytally.com | Hydra, Greece | Please contact us at [email protected] for feedback, writer and advertisement requests. For those that are unfamiliar with the Greek Islands — “Hydra” is one of the […]
Written by Goombay Tally Staff | www.goombaytally.com | Those Crazy Cats
I Hate Cats – So My Family Decided to Mess With Me.
I hate cats. Let me explain:
I love animals in general…meaning, I don’t [really] hate cats. Meaning, I won’t let a cat die from starvation if it showed up at my doorstep. Nor will I ever punt kick a cat, or torture it with a lighter or a blow torch like a deranged psycho etc. I just “dislike them.” Cats aren’t my cup of tea if you will.
According to the ASPCA, 85.8 million cats currently have owners in the United States. That means roughly 35% of all households in the United States have one of these little four-legged “demons” roaming its hallways, perched on computer desks, and peacefully sleeping in window sills.
Anyway, I don’t think being a cat hater necessarily makes me an evil person or anything, and by no means am I alone in this sentiment.
It's so sad that curiosity led to so many life-changing inventions, but is still mostly remembered for killing that one cat.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) June 8, 2015
wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap?
me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) June 12, 2015
gurl r u a cat because u have ignored all my attempts to earn ur love and attention
— pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) March 28, 2015
SCHRÖDINGER: So son, theoretically your cat is neither dead or al–
WIFE: Tell him.
SCHRÖDINGER: Your cat's dead.
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) October 29, 2015
As you probably guessed, I’m a dog person at heart vs. a cat-lover. In fact, I’m a dog-lover for so many reasons that it’s probably not even worth listing them out on this blog post.
But I will mention a few:
Dogs are Infinitely Better Than Cats Because…
- When you come home from work, your dog acts like he’s actually thrilled to see you. Cats secretly and prayerfully hope that you get into a tragic and fiery accident on your way home.
- Dogs are like your high school buddy who wasn’t incredibly smart, but would do anything for you and always had your back during fights. Cats are like your buddy in high school who swooped in and started dating your ex-girlfriend in less than 12 hours after your break up.
- Dogs will [literally] die protecting their owners. Cats will watch your house get sacked by burglars when you’re not home, then nag you about getting them dinner once you walk through the door.
- Dogs are built for taking long relaxing walks with their owners on meadowy-green trails and parks. Cats are built to lazily drape over window ledges and antique furniture like your nana’s dust covers.
“Dad…Can We Get a Cat?”
Last month, my two girls asked Mom and I if they could get a cat. Without hesitation, I told them, “Absolutely not. Are you all completely insane?” As you can imagine, this curt response was not taken very well by my kids. Moreover, even after another two hours of failed negotiations, endless debate as intense as any global warning disagreement, and heated diatribes; I stuck to my guns and weathered the barrage.
Battle won right? Yep–not even close.
Instead, over the span of two weeks, my two daughters decided to initiate what I now call the cat insurgency in my household. Essentially, they realized that they couldn’t convince dad to get a cat using conventional methods. So they tried something different.
Apparently, my girls (with some assistance from Mom I’m certain) went to Wal-Mart or K-Mart and dropped $5 and brought the most disturbing, creepiest, disconcerting cat pillow they could find and proceeded to make my life a living hell over the next two weeks. They cleverly planted this cat pillow around the house like a twisted “Elf on the Shelf” scheme in an attempt to change my mind about getting a feline.
I’d find this cat pillow in the freezer, in my underwear drawer, in the shower, in the back window of the car, sitting on the toilet, and so on.
In fact, I began calling the pillow…CREEPY KITTY.
So after a few weeks of the bullying and badgering, I decided to create the following cat memes using CREEPY KITTY to stage my revenge on Facebook and Twitter. I then began to pepper each one of their social media sites each day with the following cat-hater memes. And no…they have not broken my spirit…we’re still not getting a cat.
The “Creepy Kitty” Meme Revenge Begins…
Written by Goombay Tally Staff |www.goombaytally.com
How Racism and Prejudice Still Saved Me $500.
Written by Andrew Brock for Goombay Tally Blog | www.goombaytally.com | Also Visit “Goombay Tally Blog” on Facebook | Racism in America
Let me be clear from the very beginning: There are absolutely no “winners” when referencing racism, bigotry, sexism, or prejudice in this country. More directly, there is no financial, moral, social, or intellectual advantage to be gained by anyone in the mist of a racist incident. The victim is belittled, marginalized, and demoralized when he or she is denigrated during an exchange. Conversely, the offender reveals their “true soul” and moral–even intellectual weaknesses during the engagement. For all the world to see.
O.K., yes…if a person’s civil rights are illegally infringed upon and the matter advances its way into the judicial arena, there indeed may be some form of financial compensation for the victim. But from a universal perspective…there is no “win”… just a person with a healthier bank account due to human ignorance. The court decision ultimately doesn’t compel the racist to love his fellow man…if anything, he or she is probably more of a racist after the legal ruling.
Again, the universe loses.
Yes, even in a nation that elected and re-elected a black President, we all know that racism is not only alive and well in America, but may indeed be gathering steady momentum.
Over the years, numerous journalists, social science specialists, and psychologists have successfully demonstrated the prevalence of racism and prejudice (specifically) in the marketplace and in the retail world as they designed social experiments that involved a black student who was initially prepped by the research teams and then sent into a clothing store as a fake shopper to pretend she is looking for an article of clothing. Subsequently, in many of these studies, you would see one, some, or all of the following reactions from the retail store employees:
- The fake (black) shopper was completely ignored by the store employees while shopping for clothes until they eventually left.
- The shopper was actually followed around the store by the employees as if they were suspected of stealing merchandise.
- Employees were noticeably curt with the shopper when they had a question about the price, size, or color of an article of clothing.
- If a purchase was made and the shopper paid with a check or credit card…cashiers frequently demanded to see some form identification. Mind you, in a world of identity theft and cyber crimes, not a bad thing right? But I think you know what’s going on right?
As you anticipated, the next step in the social experiment was to send in the fake white shopper to the same clothing store to see if there was a notable difference in how they treated her compared to the black shopper who strategically exited the store minutes earlier. Repeating the scenario in numerous shops, in most cases, the white shoppers had a completely different experience than their black counterparts. For example, the employees were generally more attentive to the white shoppers. They often displayed a more outgoing or upbeat demeanor when engaging the white shopper and were demonstrably more talkative and social with the white shoppers than with the black shoppers.
And yes…as you guessed, the white shoppers were scrutinized far less than the black employees were at the point of sale when they presented either a check or credit card. Yep, I know. Not earth shattering news here. Many of us have experienced the same thing, multiple times over.
So back to the article tagline…how did “racism” still save me $500? I’ll explain.
Like roughly 390,000 other black men in the United States today, I am married to a white spouse. Now during that time, interracial couples were definitely a semi-rare site in the state where we lived, however, we never really had any negative experiences to that point either. Many years ago, we noticed that our well-worn and abused television was on its last leg, so we decided to spend a little extra cash and purchase our first big screen television as a couple. Besides, our current television was a surviving artifact from my single years and honestly, I think she just wanted it out of the house.
We both decided on a certain electronics and appliances store that we wanted to target for our purchase, but because our work schedules were staggered, we were unable to meet up at the same time to make a collective decision on which television we both desired. So the new strategy was basically to “divide and conquer.” So both of us would visit the store independently and on the same day and compare notes (and prices) later at home. Through casual conversation, we both knew what each other was looking for in a big screen so the plan was set. I would visit the store first to take a look at which one I liked, and prioritized them based on features and affordability. My wife would stop by the store roughly three hours later and duplicate the process. Hey, wait a minute…does that scenario sound familiar?
After leaving work on our dedicated shopping day, I remember walking through the front door of the electronics store and immediately heading toward the television section to begin my research. Being a huge NFL fan, I’d been waiting a long time to purchase a decent television to watch the games…more specifically, my Dallas Cowboys. After looking at three televisions that had some potential, I began to realize a few things: not one salesperson in the store (and there were many) ever asked me if I had any questions or if they could assist me in any way. In fact, two of the employees never even looked up from their computers or reading material as I walked past them to get to the televisions.
Maybe they were all busy or tied up in administrative work today right? That possibility was soon shattered as I saw in my peripheral that a white customer walked to an adjacent big screen television and I observed one of the employees literally hop up and walk past me to ask the other customer if he had any questions.
Not one salesperson in the store (and there were many) ever asked me if I had any questions or if they could assist me in any way. In fact, two of the employees never even looked up from their computers or reading material as I walked past them to get to the televisions.
Not really wanting to make a big deal out the blatant snub, I looked at a few more televisions, took a few more comparative notes and finally asked one of the employees, who immediately looked like I was bothering him if my favorite big screen television was still on sale. He coldly answered no and that the sale ended yesterday…something about forgetting to remove the tag. End of conversation. I stuffed my notes into my back pocket and walked out.
Three hours later, my wife’s experience was patently different than mine.
When I finally met up with my wife at home following her visit to the electronics store, I asked her sarcastically, “How did it go?” With an excited and chipper voice she showed me her top television choice–ironically, and surprisingly, her number one big screen television pick was the exact same as mine. Over time, I’ve come to realized that married couples rarely agree on the same furniture style or electronics selections. This time we did.
“But wait…there’s more,” my wife said, sounding a little like an overly-excited infomercial spokeswomen. “If we purchased the television today, the manager said he would take $500 off the purchasing price and deliver it to us for free!” she continued. Now up to that point, I decided not to tell my wife about my experience at the electronics store–but now I was furious. Well, not too furious…we were getting a great deal mind you.
“Are you kidding me,” I said. “I walk in the store earlier and could barely get anyone’s attention; and you were able to get a deal, plus free shipping just for giggles?” I continued.
“Well, yeah…” my wife said looking sheepishly down at her notes now. “In fact, once I walked in the door, the manager greeted me and asked why I was in the store today…he was really nice,” my wife further explained. I continued to explain to my wife my experience there and she quickly realized what just happened. I could see that my wife was initially having a hard time understanding why I wouldn’t be treated the same as she would; but again, I guess that’s one of the reasons why I married her…she truly didn’t care about skin color or racial differences. But unfortunately in modern America, there are still those who not only see the differences, but despise them.
My wife further explained that knowing the television specifications, dimensions, and features that I was looking for in our purchase, she already sealed the deal with the manager and purchased the television at the store so we could take advantage of the reduced rate…in fact, they would be delivering it that night.
So at the end of the day, I felt ecstatic that I finally got the big screen television that I really wanted, and at a phenomenal price to boot; but I was also burning up inside.
Yep, I get it. Some may say that salesmen naturally give pretty, young, white women (or just women in general) more attention than men; regardless of race…but I knew in my heart of hearts that it was more than that. It was the “recognizable” age old racial invisibility and social animus that I’ve seen many times before. Once you experience it once, you can identify it forever.
So that’s the story of how racism still saved me $500 on our first big screen television. Am I still bitter? Yes, being treated like a second-class citizen always stings. Believe me, I appreciate the struggles of those who came before me even more so. But to put this all in perspective: America has come a”mighty long way” in terms of race relations, however, there will always be racism on this beautiful blue planet. Unfortunately, it is a resilient virus that will never fully be eradicated. You pray that its prevalence becomes marginalized over time but it will always be there in some form or fashion as societies continue to weave, melt, and clash.
Personally, I see racism and bigotry as a “karmic boomerang.” Once you launch it into the universe at another human being, it will come back to you eventually with a demand for recompense. Sometimes that restitution will be financial, sometimes it will be in the form of public reprimand and rebuke, but undoubtedly…and at a minimum, it will always require a small portion of your soul as payment.
Finally, instead of harboring ill feelings toward the electronics shop, I decided it would be a wonderful idea to write the store and manager a heartfelt thank you card for such a great deal on the flat screen television. Oh by the way, just to be cute, my wife included a picture of me and her standing in front of our new big screen television…cheesy smiles included.
Written by Andrew Brock for Goombay Tally Blog
15 Philadelphia Eagles Trivia Questions That Will Earn You Free Drinks in Philly.
Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally Blog |Goombaytally.com | Philadelphia Eagles | Share us on Facebook/Twitter
Don’t you just hate that guy at the sports bar that claims to be the most dedicated, knowledgeable and motivated Philadelphia Eagles fan on the face of the planet? “The Eagles’ #1 Fan!” Or at least in South Philly.
He struts around wearing his throwback Ron Jaworski jersey while quoting rare Eagles trivia that even current Eagles players or coaches would never know (or care to know frankly).
Yep. he’s annoying. But let’s face it–he’s on point and maybe a little crazy, but he invests some serious cranial sweat equity into his craft by studying little known Eagles franchise tidbits, perusing over past running back statistics buried deep in convoluted spreadsheets, memorizing sleep-inducing quarterback rating data, and even collecting past owner background information.
He’s earned his reputation as an EAGLES NERD! Yeah … so the below trivia questions won’t make you that guy. But it will give you a slight leg up on the average Eagles fan who just plays the part every Sunday. Anyway, you can’t be mad at him (or her) for going nuts over a team that’s never actually won a Super Bowl. Right? A true fan … not a bandwagon hobbit or troll.
In fact, regardless of the fact that the City of Brotherly Love is still missing a shiny Vince Lombardi Trophy in its showcase, Philly fans consistently rank high as the NFL’s most loyal fans. So we love our “Birds” … rain or shine.
But let’s say that we are just a LITTLE jealous of this same guy because of his “Eagles Trivia Swag” and the fact that he’s probably earned more than a few free adult beverages at multiple sports bars in Philly due to his impressive team knowledge. Principally from bets with less gifted and fool-hearty fans.
125 trivia cards with 500 Questions
Easy "Race to 21" game play
Football. Hockey. Baseball. Basketball. Players. Coaches. Trades. Draft picks. Buildings, ballparks, and arenas. It's all here.#PhillyVsEverybody #PhiladelphiaEagles #FlyEagelsFly https://t.co/Pw45RSlTPL pic.twitter.com/wzl7tLP9KC
— PopCulture Scorpio (@Matthewbiscuit) January 16, 2018
So. We’d like to help out.
So. It’s no secret that more than a few of our “Goombay Tally Blog” writers are die-hard Eagles fans, so this is our official Philadelphia Eagles Fan test that separates the “Die-Hards” from the Casual “Midnight Green” Puff Cakes who just wear the jerseys to fit in and look pretty.
Here’s how you use it:
- Quickly memorize these Eagles trivia questions. Preferably not while drinking.
- Next, head to your local Philly sports bar and listen out for the next wannabe shooting off his mouth about being Philly’s biggest Eagle’s fan and start dropping the following trivia bombs on him until he looks like a lab monkey stuck in a 7:30 A.M., Temple University, Quantum Physics 401 class on exam day after a night of heavy drinking at Chickie’s and Pete’s Crab House and Sports Bar.
O.K. Let’s begin.
The Goombay Tally Philadelphia Eagles Quick Shot Fan Quiz
1) Although Mike Ditka was better known for playing and coaching for the Chicago Bears, he also moonlighted with the Philadelphia Eagles for a short period of time. What position did he play?
Answer: Tight End
Comment: Give yourself a pat on the back if you nailed this one.
2) What year did the Philadelphia Eagles become a NFL team?
Comment: If you didn’t get this one, please carefully take off your Brian Westbrook jersey, turn in your Eagles fan card at the closest Wawa, and shamefully walk away. And no TastyKakes for you today sir.
3) What 1926 NFL Championship winning Philadelphia team proceeded the Philadelphia Eagles before going bankrupt and folded in 1931?
Answer: The Frankford Yellow Jackets
Comment: This question will tend to put some degree of separate between the casual Eagles fans and the Posers.
4) Which Philadelphia Eagles Running Back competed in and finished seventh in Bobsledding during the 1992 Winter Olympics?
Answer: Herschel Walker
Comment: Not incredibly hard trivia question, but keep this one in your hip pocket when needed.
5) Mark Wahlberg played the role of which Philadelphia Eagles special teams player in the 2006 movie Invincible?
Answer: Vince Papale
Comment: Come on! That was pretty much a give me. Here’s an extra credit question for you: What team did Vince Papale try out for and make prior to his run with the Eagles? Answer: The Philadelphia Bell of the World Football League. *(shutter)
6) During the Philadelphia Eagles’ first year in the NFL, what color were their jerseys?
Answer: Yellow and Blue
Comment: Every Eagles fan knows that right?
7) Which legendary Philadelphia Eagles Defensive Lineman and Pro Football Hall of Fame member began his professional football career with the Memphis Showboats of the United States Football League?
Answer: Reggie White
Comment: Believe it or not, professional wrestler Lex Luger was also a Memphis Showboat alum. This factoid will win you at least a Corona with lime.
8) Former Oakland Raiders head coach and Pro Football Hall of Fame member John Madden was drafted by the Philadelphia Eagles in 1958. How many games did he play?
Comment: Due to a knee injury in training camp, Madden never actually played a game professionally in the NFL but obviously became interested in coaching during his rehab period in Philly. The rest is history.
9) The Philadelphia Eagles defeated which team in the 1960 NFL Championship game?
Answer: The Green Bay Packers
Comment: If you missed this one please following the same instructions given to (alleged) Eagles fans who missed question # 2. More importantly, this was the only Packers Championship loss for the great Vince Lombardi. Go Eagles!
10) Eagles quarterback Nick Foles wore the number nine jersey. Name at least three other past Eagles quarterbacks who wore the same number.
Answer: Jeff Garcia, Jim McMahon, Vince Young, Sonny Jurgensen, Rodney Peete, and Joe Pisarcik.
Comment: O.K…this is a Master’s level question for Philadelphia Eagles fans. No shame if you only got one of these.
TRIVIA: The Philadelphia Eagles and the Pittsburgh Steelers merged for one year in 1943 under what name? Check back later for the answer. pic.twitter.com/I5rpRQlLB1
— Somerset Co. Chamber (@somersetchamber) August 9, 2017
11) The Philadelphia Eagles and which NFL team temporarily merged in 1943 due to manpower shortages driven by military service requirements in WWII?
Answer: The Pittsburgh Steelers
Comment: How many of you would have walked around with “Steagles” Swag? Better question: Would both teams have received credit on the books for a NFL Championship if the Steagles won that season?
12) The Philadelphia Eagles franchise has retired a total of 9 jerseys in its 84 year history. Name at least 4 of the player’s jerseys.
Answer: Donovan McNabb (5), Steven Van Buren (15), Brian Dawkins (20), Tom Brookshier (40), Pete Retzlaff (44), Chuck Bednarik (60), Al Wistert (70), Reggie White (92), Jerome Brown (99).
Comment: Yep. You don’t see Randall Cunningham’s No. 12 on the list, but then again … no Eagles player has worn that number to date since he left the team.
— Misty De Zutter (@PhillyFan) July 22, 2015
13) The Philadelphia Eagles have played in how many stadiums since 1933? Name Them.
Answer: 6. Baker Bowl, Philadelphia Municipal Stadium, Connie Mack Stadium, Franklin Field, Veterans Stadium, Lincoln Financial Field.
Comment: Baker Bowl was originally located at the N. Broad St., W. Huntingdon St., N. 15th St. and W. Lehigh Avenue block.
— Michael Cornejo (@MikeCornejo) May 29, 2014
14) The first 1933 Philadelphia Eagles roster was mainly comprised of former players from which 3 universities?
Answer: Penn, Temple, and Villanova.
Comment: The Eagles went 3-5-1 that season and failed to make the playoffs. Ugh! But not surprising.
15) Who were the Philadelphia Eagles first quarterbacks in 1933?
Answer: Red Kirkman and Dick Thornton
Comment: Eagles training camp in 1933 was located in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Please feel free to post your Philadelphia Eagles trivia in the comments section Bird fans!
Written by Scott McGinnis | Goombay Tally Blog | Goombay Tally Writers
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Are you One of These 6 Gym Personalities?
Written by Scott McGinnis | www.goombaytally.com | Goombay Tally Writers | Gym Characters | Share us on Facebook / Twitter
I suppose it’s safe to say that the large majority of us have worked out at some point in our lives; or at a minimum, have seen the inside of the gym. Whether it was in junior high and high school, or later in our adult lives in college, or at Gold’s Gym, Planet Fitness, Life Time Fitness ... we’ve been there and done that in some way or capacity.
Anyway, I’ve always loved the gym environment. Almost everything about it.
For example, I remember my first day of “gymnastics class” in elementary school. The beautiful open space. The clean squeak of your brand new gym shoes under the basketball surface. The smell of pee-wee perspiration and the tingly feeling of competition in the air.
You can almost reach out and touch all of those nuances instantaneously. But I have to be honest with you: I love people-watching at the gym.
Don’t get me wrong, I put the “work in” during my gym time, but I also enjoy observing others and their unique ways of engaging with the equipment, their workouts, and more importantly … with others.
I suspect a trained physiologist could write and publish an intriguing dissertation just on these dynamics alone.
Self-admittedly, I am by no means the expert on the mind-set, characteristics, and ingrained psychology of the standard gym patron, but the following list will outline what I believe to be the basic six gym characters that you will see on any given day at your chosen gym or health club.
Even if you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since your senior prom in high school, you’ve undoubtedly seen these same characters on social media, on the big screen, in commercials … you name it.
Hey! Do remember the popular Planet Fitness commercial featuring the, “I lift things up and put them down” guy? Hilarious. No genius really.
Planet Fitness nailed that persona.
I lift things up and put them down.
As you are already aware, Planet Fitness sort of prides themselves on shaming the over-the-top gym rats who risk “threatening or intimidating” their patrons through testosterone-induced bravado or clothing.
So. Here she is.
1. The Iconic Muscle Head
- The dictionary defines a muscle head as, “(slang) A large and muscular man, especially one interested in bodybuilding.” Other definitions describe muscle-heads as “those who naturally use their threatening brute force and bullying to get whatever they want.” Also see, Gym Rat.
- Either way, you know who these people are because you can normally see them coming a mile away: massive arms, wearing the stretched tank top, or T-Shirt that looks like they borrowed it from their five-year-old nephew.
- The muscle head will also be carrying the iconic protein shake bottle or jug everywhere they go. They will shake this bottle every two to three minutes– taking furtive sips in between reps.
- Also, if you don’t “see” a Muscle Head in your gym immediately when you walk in, just wait and listen. Why? Because in no time you will hear a Muscle Head on the weight benches or near the 200 lbs dumb bells, screaming like their being mercilessly tortured during the Spanish Inquisition.
- Because of his colossal size and equally threatening demeanor, the Muscle Head will claim dibs on no less than five pieces of workout equipment at one time. We refer to this as the “buster cluster.” This is the cluster of workout equipment surrounding the Muscle Head that he has proprietary ownership of. For example, you will see a curl machine that is clearly unoccupied, and once you walk over to use it, you will hear a gruffly voice from clear across the gym yell, “YO, I’M STILL USING THAT!”
2. The “Look at Me” Gym Queen
- Definition: The Gym Queen is the certifiably attractive female who attends your gym wearing top-of-the line workout fashions and looks like she just stepped out of the front cover of Women’s Health Magazine. Gym Queen’s primary objective is to DRAW ATTENTION. Physical fitness is merely a supportive function of this objective.
- NOTE: You will never see Gym Queen sweat because she isn’t really THERE to sweat — she’s there to look good and solicit your undivided attention. Sweating will only mitigate that.
- Gym Queen will often be seen at the gym with Muscle Head. In this instance, she will only be there as Muscle Head’s side ornament and as he grunts and strains on the weight bench or dumb bells. They go together like complementing artwork.
3. The “What the Hell Was That” Enigma
- The Enigma is the gym patron who performs an odd regiment of exercises every time you see them. For example, Enigma will grab a set of 25 lb weights, wave them up and down like a wounded Red Robin, while side-lungeing erratically for three sets of ten reps. Watching the Enigma workout will even cause the most conservative of Christians to involuntarily spout out “WTF!” … or at least “WTH!”
- You’ll know that you are encountering an Enigma when you find yourself staring at their workout routine out of both amazement and horror. Mostly honor. You will wonder if the workout routine is even legal in your state. The answer is: yes, but probably shouldn’t.
- Mind you, you will not see Enigma at the gym on a consistent basis due to the obvious injurious nature of their workouts which will invariably send them to a local Emergency Room.
- For the record, Enigmas were the kids in high school who you never saw in your gym class because they were able to clandestinely substitute the physical fitness requirement with other qualifiers like Drama and JROTC. Well … it’s 20 years later and now these guys are ready to get in shape. Enjoy.
4. The Long-term Parker
- When entering the gym, “The Parker” will strategically select one piece of workout equipment (typically the same one they used during their last visit) and essentially “park” or remain on the equipment for 30, 40 minutes…heck, sometimes an hour.
- The Parker will eek out incredibly slow and methodical reps on the leg press machine and rest for 15 minutes in between sets. Then repeat the process for the next hour or so.
- The most unique and equally disturbing aspect of The Parker is that regardless of the collective time that they spend in the gym … they won’t look like they are improving at all.
5. The Poser
- The poser is known for “dressing the part” of a serious health and fitness aficionado but if you look very closely, he or she will typically only complete one–maybe two sets on their exercise equipment, but then begin hitting on attractive female for the remainder of their gym time.
- Yes, the ladies can be posers too and actually use their health club membership as their social club enabler.
- By the way fellas, you have the poser to thank for driving out the serious ladies in the gym who are purely there for their health and fitness and consequently, causing female-only gyms to grow exponentially.
6. The Tiger
- The Tiger is the quintessential bad-ass who arrives to the gym at 0430 every day (that’s four-thirty A.M. for civilians) and is ready to take on the world with his or her towel, water bottle, and workout notepad.
- The Tiger is a lean and mean athlete who is more focused and determined than a hungry (Tiger) …get it?
- The Tiger ignores the Gym Queen, despises The Poser, and gets horribly nauseated around The Enigma. He or she respects the Muscle Head but is by no means intimidated by his ego or ostentatious antics.
- Oh yeah, The Parker just pisses The Tiger off as they wait endlessly to use the workout equipment. The Tiger will eventually snap and pummel The Parker mercilessly.
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Colin Kaepernick’s Intentions May Be Good, but is his Methodology Counterproductive?
Written by Andrew Brock | African-American Affairs Writer | Goombaytally.com | Contact us in the comment box | Share us on Facebook, Twitter
I love studying military history.
I especially enjoy reading through first-hand accounts of hard-fought battles that changed the course of a war. The Battle of Gettysburg, which helped advance the end to the Civil War. The intriguing Battle of the Bulge and D-Day during WWII. The impacts of the Tet Offensive during the Vietnam War. To paraphrase strategic planners within the Department of Defense: plans are perfect right until they meet the point of execution.
Civil War history is full of stories describing Generals who made critical planning, logistical, navigational, or intelligence errors throughout the course of a battle and ultimately resulted in the engagement of the enemy at the wrong location, time, or level of preparedness. Mind you, these errors aren’t “always” operationally detrimental to the offensive or defensive army.
There are certainly accounts of military war planners or leaders making grave battlefield errors and inadvertently exposing a weakness within their adversary’s plan and consequently exploiting that weak point to their advantage. Obviously, these errors will inevitably expose even more of your weaknesses.
The point is, realistic military leaders understand that flexibility and adaptability is the key to modern warfare victory. They prepare their men and women to follow orders, but to also have the situational awareness and mental acuity to pivot during the execution phase if “Murphy” presents opposing variables that leave planning considerations non-relevant. All finished and polished plans look great neatly written on a whiteboard in the Pentagon. However, reality and the “Fog-o-War” has a way of dismantling the best made plans of Mice and Men.
Military battle plans must be designed with a specifically desired effect in mind. We destroy enemy ammunition plants to limit their resupply capacity. We target enemy aircraft sitting on airfields to neutralize their air defense capability … and so on. Some military strategic planners call these targets “centers of gravity” … because of their strategic impacts on the enemy’s war-fighting capabilities or strengths.
So the obvious question is: how do I make a coherent link between military strategy and San Fransisco 49ers’ quarterback, Colin Kaepernick who finds himself in the middle of a national debate surrounding his refusal to stand during the playing of the national anthem at the beginning of NFL games as a public protest of social injustice within the African-American community?
Here it is.
I believe Colin Kaepernick is the wrong field general, targeting the wrong battle objectives, on the wrong battlefield. Let me explain: as an African-American who “has been” racially profiled in the past, has been called the “N-Word” as a kid growing up in the South, and who has experienced overt and subtle discrimination in this country, I think Colin is still woefully off-point in his methodology … not necessarily his intent.
Colin says he is protesting White oppression and social injustice … but unfortunately, he’s targeting the wrong “centers of gravity” that drive the issues. Much like an F-16 that attempts to take out an enemy communication command and control facility, but hits the school house right next to it instead and kills 30 innocent children.
Say goodbye to your “winning hearts and minds” campaign.
I recently told a colleague at work that Kaepernick’s decision to protest social injustice by sitting out on the national anthem was tantamount to protesting corruption in the banking industry by standing out in front of your local Chipotle with a sign that says, “Free Willy.” The wrong objective, strategy, timing, message, and venue.
First, and ironically, on 7 September 2016, the City of Chicago reported its deadliest Holiday weekend as 13 people were killed and a total of 65 inured in gun violence. Unfortunately, the Labor Day Weekend shootings in Chicago bolstered its annual homicide number to 500. Mind you, last year’s total was 491. Invariably, by the time you read this article, that number will be dated and old news.
Let these numbers sink in for just a minute. Close your eyes even.
Any other international relations conversation held around countless water coolers and coffee pots across America would not hesitate to refer to a city that experiences similar levels of senseless crime and violence as a “War Zone.”
Yes, Chicago is a War Zone. Even film director Spike Lee concedes that point in his film Chi-Raq.
As a military veteran who’s served enough time in Afghanistan and listened to countless intel briefings, I’ve seen less kinetic activity over a weekend in the darkest, dirtiest, most dangerous corners of Helmand Province than we’ve seen at times in a cities like Chicago, Detroit, and Philadelphia. Chicago’s South Side — Englewood, Auburn Gresham, Chicago Lawn might as well be Kabul, Bagram, Kandahar, or Khost.
Chicago is a War Zone. Even film director Spike Lee concedes that point in his film Chi-Raq.
But here’s the intellectual conflict.
There is seemingly no national outcry or call for rigorous Congressional efforts to stop the genocidal-like violence that African-Americans experience in this country’s urban battlefields.
A sweet, beautiful, four-year-old African-American little girl … innocently playing with her “Frozen” doll in front of her house, gets shot and killed instantly by a gang member who’s aiming for her uncle sitting on the porch because he disrespected him in front of a hot girl in the local club on the previous night … and the streets of Chicago are quiet following that tragedy. Oh well … right? For a story … more tragic and disconcerting as any we’ve seen related to this year’s (relatively) few African-American and Police shooting incidents … there are no professional athletes taking a knee for this little girl during the singing of the national anthem. Why not? Didn’t she experience a grave social injustice?
Moreover, “Civil Rights” activists don’t compel substantive national debate about the true “root cause” of the issues within the African-American community.
No one is (really) asking why African-Americans across this nation have to be afraid to walk the streets at night or have an event-free barbecue cookout without gun violence breaking out. That’s chiefly because we already know the answer–don’t we?
The unspoken narrative: Violence against African-Americans at the hands of a White person rips open painful, deep-seated wounds and tragic historical images and memories from America’s shameful racial past.
Conversely, black-on-black crimes violence … though exponentially more prevalent and significantly more deadly to our communities … goes largely ignored on the national stage like a homeless man begging for spare change outside a Washington D.C. Metro station, or that bat-sh*t crazy uncle who everyone ignores at the family reunion. Because “Uncle Smitty” is only tolerated and accepted because he’s “family.” As painful and embarrassing as it may be.
Here’s the frustration: there is no one at the national level who is “genuinely” trying to connect the dots in a meaningful and effective way when it comes to problems in our community. Yes, that silence you hear in the distance is Al Sharpton, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, Elijah Cummings, and so on.
No one dares associate our high unemployment rates, failing schools, corrupt local politicians, annihilation of the Black family unit, and our 70% children born out of wedlock rate with any of the problems that we currently have with law enforcement that athletes and others claim to be protesting right now.
Yes, bad cops need to be fired and or prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for their negligent or criminal acts. But to ignore and cover up equally detrimental factors that plague our community — especially when they occur with more frequency and cause considerably more collateral damage in our neighborhoods … is irresponsible and myopic.
Again, that’s “one in four” of our young men who don’t have a strong father figure in the household to mentor them on not instinctively fighting with or running away from law enforcement when you engage them. Better yet, a male figure to teach them how to lower their probability of even having to (negatively) engage law enforcement in the first place.
So here’s the predominant question behind the problems that most Americans see with Colin Kaepernick’s methodology in one carelessly crafted sentence:
Why is a gifted African-American athlete (millionaire) … who was lovingly adopted and cared for by White parents … protesting “White oppression” and social injustice by police officers in neighborhoods that he doesn’t have to live in, by targeting a flag that symbolizes the very nation that affords him incredible opportunities that the majority of us (regardless of race) only daydream about while driving back from our unspectacular jobs in I-95 congestion at the end of the day?
Here’s another one: As a blue-blooded, hard-working, middle class American, why am I paying $80 for your Football jersey and $300 in game tickets to watch you disrespect my father who came back from Vietnam with a Purple Heart and a 100% disability rating that irrevocably impacted our family in the 1970s.
Hopefully you get my point.
So, here’s how the San Fransisco 49ers’ quarterback, or Denver Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall, or anyone else who chooses to use their notoriety and fame to actually have a “positive” impact on the African-American/Police relation issue in our nation.
First, instead of disparaging the memories of White, Black, Native-American, Asian etc heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice to secure the future survival and prosperity of not only their families but ours, why not use your privileged to serve as a unifying nexus between our communities and our local law enforcement.
Hold community-building expedition games between local youth athletes and Police. Visit local elementary, middle, and high schools along with Police officers and talk about what they see on the streets and how the Police are trying to help in their communities. Talk about Police engagement and protocols.
Visit local elementary, middle, and high schools along with Police officers …
These tactics have a unifying effect that builds relations … not further posture communities against law enforcement. Help reinforce the concept of community Policing. A community that refuses to “snitch” on the very terrorists that plague their neighborhoods will live in their violent cycles indefinitely.
Additionally, we all know that in this country, professional sports serve as a unifying force that will see an African-American Dallas Cowboy fan slapping high-fives and hugging another Cowboy fan of any race after their team scores a game-deciding touchdown or make an interception. For three hours and 12 minutes, the color of ones jersey transcends the color of your skin, religious affiliation, or political opinions.
Use that power for good.
Instead of further fracturing and polarizing a nation, use your privilege and access to heal it. At that point, Colin will become the right leader, with the right objectives, on the right battlefield. Then we can all watch the positive change in our country instead of watching enraged 49ers fans burning Kaepernick jerseys on You Tube.
Written by Andrew Brock | Goombaytally.com | Share us on Facebook or Twitter | Write a comment if you loved it | Write a comment if you hated it.